My Favorite Error Message

Many years ago (almost 20 years!) I was documenting software and creating training for a large medical information project at Bell Labs. I came across an error message for a field that I got a big kick out of. It said:

Please Disambiguate This Field.

I could never be certain that the programmer was joking. Knowing that crowd of button-down programmers, they were probably serious.

What made me think of that today?

Wikipedia:Disambiguation

I Don't Buy It. And Neither Should You.

Sigh.

Would this were true.

The Last Days of Telemarketing

As much as I hate spammers, tele-marketers truly depress me. Here's a real person and they're on a mission not just to annoy the hell out of me, the expect me to buy something. I'm rarely outright rude (OK, not so rare anymore), but gosh, what a way to make a living. What has lead you to the point in life where the best job you can get is sitting in a cubical farm and calling strangers, shilling. How sad for you.

Here's my rules for telemarketing, spam, and even door-to-door sales:

1. NEVER BUY FROM THEM. PERIOD.
That's right, and turn them away quickly. Yes, it's a person, but you're not obliged to talk to them. Yes, there is a difference for the neighborhood kid that's selling stuff to support their school - but not a big difference. If one of them approaches you, I suggest giving, but instead of buying junk, offer to make a direct contribution to their cause.

2. If you buy from these jerks, you make trouble for everyone else.
Why do they do it? Because it works. Spam a million people and ten will buy. So I'll spam 100 million. Again and again. Stop buying and stop everyone you know from buying. It's the only way it will stop.

3. If that wasn't clear enough for you, let me make it perfectly clear: Only stupid people buy from tele-marketers and spammers.
You're a mark. You've been conned. So wise up.

Let me tell you something else. Those television "info-mercials" aren't much better. It's a medicine show. It's all staged. The elixir they sell you is bathtub gin and gunpowder (which, unfortunately, I'm acquiring a taste for).

I have to admit, the Ginsu knifes I got at the Illinois State Fair 25 years ago are still razor sharp!

Captain Randy Sells Out

I'm really cluttering up the blog - more experiments, really. I've added an Alibris "Affiliate's Link" to the sidebar and will soon add one for iTunes - more playing around than anything serious.

But hey, I already bought 3 books since adding it, so it seems to be working. Oh, wait . . .

The Shape Of Things To Come

Soon, my friends, I hope to see the day when good news such as this is common place.

Carol Connolly gets another chance to garden

I have great hope for the future. Some day, cancer will be a story from our dark past and we'll shudder at the way people died and what they went through. All of the common diseases will fade away and our children and grandchildren will know them not.

But those of us who did know them, who knew those who suffered and died, will have a special bitterness.

And I have a new fear. When I was young, I knew that I would never live to the age of 16 and get my driver's license. It was clear that the world would vanish in a wave of nuclear heat. I still remember the nightmares where I would look out over the prairie from my home, the home of my great grandfather, and the western horizon would be lined with mushroom clouds.

And now? To get the news, to find cancer growing in my own body, or worse, my loved ones, so sure that in just a few years it would be trivial to reverse and repair.

I'm happy for Carol. Many happy days for you.

How to be creative

gapingvoid: how to be creative (original short version)

Even better when translated into Chinese.

I especially like Rule #7 and it's corollary, The Sex and Cash Theory.

This is only a test

I'm just screwing with the ads, see what shows up.

So, if I were to look for calendar software for my Mac, what should I get? Or if I wanted to buy movie posters or props? What about gourmet foods? And I like coffee - what about some really good coffee - maybe some I could roast myself? Where can I buy a coffee roaster - a small one? Or how do you roast coffee beans in an iron skillet?

And what about digital cameras? Where can I get one with a large hard drive, not a stupid little memory card.

And how much caffeine free coke can one person drink in a day?

After These Messages, We'll Be Right Back

So, as an experiment, I'm trying out the Google advertising - you may (or may not) see them to the right of this messages.

I don't think I have enough readers to make them worth while, nor do I encourage you, gentle reader, to click them or to buy their products or services.

I'm just a curious monkey.