Proud Papa

One of the great things about being a parent is that I have no qualms in basking in reflected glory. In most other aspects of life I like to give clear credit where it's due, but as a father, the achievements of my children are in a very real sense, mine as well.

I really believe that both of my daughters are growing up to be "better" people than I am. As I see them now, they're comfortable with who they are, socially adept and popular (something I never was), smart and hard working. I'm not saying they are perfect or can do no wrong.

My oldest daughter, Kathleen, just found out she's been selected to play string bass with the Columbus Symphony Youth Orchestra. I couldn't get a clear answer out of her after her audition and thought she probably wouldn't make it on this, her first try. I take great personal pride in her accomplishment. This isn't something we'd pushed her at. She's shown the interest and we've made it possible (where can I get a chauffeur hat?). She'll have an experience that may help her pick her college path and perhaps give her a life-long interest and hobby.

There are many ways I'm different from my kids. I'm lazy to a degree that few comprehend. Both of them have excellent study and work habits - I suspect that they'll both make far better grades than I did. They're both athletes - both are advancing in figure skating - certainly not to the top levels of competition, but pretty damn good. Both make friends easily.

They're defiantly not little copies of me*. My first recognized talent was singing. Unfortunately, both of them take after their mother - no voice at all. By the age of 8 or so I was already performing - at school and at church. I picked up the piano easily, then the saxophone and flute. I believe I am a natural musician, but the lack of good instruction and opportunities (not much in the prairies of Illinois in the early 60s) kept me from developing as far as I could. I don't regret it. I enjoy playing the piano and singing, but it's only for my own enjoyment. Both of the girls are getting excellent instruction on the piano, as well as bass for Kathleen. They're developing well, but they have to work harder than I ever did.

I'm also a voracious reader, and was from a very early age. Both of them will read, but are not compelled as I am. I balanced my limited school study and degree of effort with reading far beyond my level, and for the most part, beyond my instructors up through college. I must read to stay sane. They read when required or have the time.

Jennifer is showing real potential in mathematics. I envy her this and would love to see that grow into something special. I see enough around the edges of numbers to know there's a path at understanding the universe which I have to take second and third hand.

I also have a recognition that I'm in that very narrow time of life when we're all together as a family. Soon Kathleen will want to spend less time with us and more with her friends. In three years she'll be gone. In ten, Jennifer, too. I'm looking forward to the time when Diane and I are on our own, but this is something that can't be duplicated or extended.

This is why the movie, The 25th Hour struck me so strongly. The thought of being separated from one's family, robbed of this time of life, cuts deep. The father's dream, played perfectly by Brian Cox, embodies my feelings precisely.


*Disclaimer - I've tried to be honest and unexaggerated in my listing of my own and my children's habits - no external verification provided in this space.

The Book Of Hats

Last night Diane and I stepped out to pay a bill and do a little summer clothes shopping for her. On the way to the checkout I saw a display of men's hats. I tried a few on, and after a moment's debate, passed.

I love hats. I'm wearing at this writing a black baseball cap with a grey suede bill from the Crown Plaza in Manhattan. It's one of my favorites (fortunately, we got four from our trip in November of 2000 and I've been wearing them ever since). I like it because fits close to the head, comfortable, warm, and protective. The bill is pre "cupped". Unfortunately, it's dark color and non-porous material make it too hot to wear in the summer.

I have many hats, but not as many as I would like. I'd love for the wearing of hats to come back into fashion. Every time I see a movie set in the period from the 20's to the early 60's I think, "wow, that would be great."

I have the following:

• 3 remaining Crown Plaza caps
• a similar cap, well worn and in grey check with "Hatteras Island" stitched on the front.
• A white cap with black bill with "Power On Software - more suitable for warm weather wear, but getting grubby.
• A big, "Indiana Jones" style beaver fedora - great hat. I've had it probably 15 years. Purchased in New Orleans at "Hats In The Belfry". It's also a cool weather hat.
• An Australian made and styled felt hat - round top and rigid brim - I like it a lot, but rarely wear it.
• A new grey felt crushable fedora for winter wear - nice hat
• My Tilley Endurables hat. Here's a great hat. Mine is well worn and sweat stained, but great for the beach and summer wear. Probably the best for protection and outdoor warm weather protection.
• A blue suede summer fedora with mesh top - breathable and only slightly silly looking.
• Many ancient and hard used seed corn and work hats - part of my little know previous life as a farmer and construction worker - I still have my hard hat as well, plus another I picked up recently for no good reason.
• Various stocking caps

My youngest daughter complains when I stop to look at a new hat and complains, "Daddy, you don't need any more hats!"

Oh, but I do. As a bald man, something I have absolutely no vanity or complaint about, I need protection from the sun as well as the surprising amount of thing you can scrape your head on when it's not covered with hair. (As an aside, I often note other men in public with "comb-overs" and embarrassingly spare hair they've grown long and styled, thinking no one will notice. Everyone does. Embrace your baldness. Cut it short, shave the stragglers. Bear it proudly.)

But hats, I need one for every occasion, every mood. I need a sharp haberdasher who can keep them sharp and steamed. If I had my druthers, I'd dress every day for work in a three-piece suit and matching hat, equipped and prepared for any contingency. And I'd love to do it without affectation and claim of eccentricity.

Oh, and I'll need my walking stick.

Tomorrow's Topic: Hats

The Bald Man's Prerogative.

24 No More

I find that Diane and I get hooked on a TV show and end up watching it, good or bad. When I look at the shows we watch regularly, they're all hour long dramas, aside from the few HGTV or Food Network programs. And I find it really annoying when someone tells me with great self satisfaction, "Oh, I never watch TV." Most of them are lying, the others are lying, too. (OK, there are a few that don't watch at all, but as a theater professor of mine said, "Go to the movies and watch TV or you won't understand the people around you. They're the keys to popular culture." And before I get off this aside, there is value in popular culture. A topic for another time: are the best writers of today writing genera fiction?).

Where was I? Ah. So, at the end of a day, typically around 9:30 p.m., we both like to settle down together and watch a little TV before heading to bed. And now we have TiVO and can easily watch an hour and a half to two hours of TV and be to bed by 11, cutting out all the commercials. Here's the list of what we've watched this last year:

• Law and Order: Criminal Intent
• Law and Order
• CSI Miami
• CSI
• Without A Trace
• The West Wing
• 24

We really enjoyed watching 24, but as the season progressed, more and more things began to annoy us. Most of the women in the show are evil or stupid. The blonde ones are without fail stupid. As the minutes tick away (which is a great device for the show) the plots become more and more unbelievable. By last night's massively disappointing anticlimax and then pointless assassination of the President, I declared myself done. If it comes back next year, I don't feel compelled to watch.

We were the same way with ER. We watched for years, then last season they killed off Dr. Greene. We'd grown sick of the soap opera and all the horrible things that happened in the characters lives. So we declared the show over and stopped watching. And many of the list above I don't feel I have to watch if I don't have the time (love the two Law and Orders - never watched the SVU edition, though).

And since I'm detailing TV watching, here's my additional list:

• Monk - starting again in June - lots of fun and great character.
• The Dead Zone - also a guilty pleasure
• Enterprise - my youngest daughter and I watch this latest part of the Star Trek saga. I've now been watching Star Trek in its various incarnations since 1967!
• Smallville - the girls watch this when they can and I've sat in with them - it's actually pretty good - a retelling of the Superman story with some interesting takes on the "mythology"
• The Simpsons - almost forgot that one - in a class by itself - rarely catch new episodes first run - always in syndication/rerun
• $40 a Day - a fun show on Food Network hosted by Rachel Ray, who I must admit I have a little crush on.
• Good Eats - Alton Brown is a hoot - and a great teacher in the kitchen
• Tyler's Ultimate - great modern cooking and travel show
• House Hunters - a favorite of Diane's, along with If Walls Could Talk

Hopefully the answer to the question: "Is anybody out there?"

WebSTAT

There could be other answers - I need contact

One's Lot, One's Role

Do you ever feel like you've been demoted from the hero of the story of you life to the funny sidekick? I use my self appointed nickname with clear tongue-in-cheek recognition that this may be the case.

This is a topic that could use novel-length exploration.

I'm a great fan of the writings of Steven Pinker. His latest work, The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature is a clearly argued piece, and like his other work, a joy to read. In it, and in an aside that is not central to his argument, he talks about the roles we as individuals take on, most often in small groups. Many find that role and play it all their life, it suits their temperament. It struck me, this passage. You see, I've always seen myself as a leader, a strong, authoritative, cool thinking voice of reason. But when I look at what role I've actually played, it's not that at all. Oddly enough, I have played, and continue to play, a very different role. I can map it out from high school to where I work today, but won't bore you with these details. While I remain the protagonist of my life's story, I'm no hero.

Who am I? I'm the Rabbi. I'm the person that people of power, the real leaders talk to. They don't ask me for advice and don't take it when I offer. I am not popular, sought after, not socially considered. I'm the one they confess their doubts to, work through ideas, strengthen their resolve. I have never sought out this role, but I'm beginning to accept it.

It's a strange thing. I was brought up in a very religious community and early on set myself on a path that would have made me a leader in the church. This would have been an easier epiphany if I still believed. But I've rejected faith and fate, put behind me the desire to tell others what to believe or how to behave. And now I discover that even without the trappings of faith that it is my natural, innate gift.

Now, what do I make of that? I've made it sound more passive than I intended. I still act, contribute, have value in the services I provide, the talents I exercise. I also know that I play more than one role. I'm a father, husband, friend. I'm trained as a playwright. In fact, if I had to pick on simple answer to "What are you?" my answer is clearly, "A writer."

The real question is this: in the 40 or so years that lie before me do I continue to fight this "destiny" (there's a word I'd prefer to avoid)? What can I make of me?

At The Movies With Captain Randy

I feel like I'm getting behind on the summer movies already and it's
not even summer.

We did manage to see X-Men 2 (or X-Men United - I'm not really sure
what the name of the movie is - more on that later). I did enjoy it
and here's a number of things I really liked:

• Violence with
  consequences - I detest "A-Team" style violence - everyone firing guns,
  taking punches and no one gets hurt. When Wolverine get angry, people
  get killed. Don't twist my words - I'm not interested in death and
  mayhem and can't stand splatter movies - but when events get to the
  point when violent action is the only course, I want to see what that
  means. It means the people are injured or killed - so let's see it.
  Congratulations, Mr. Singer, for breaking out of the trite super-hero
  mode where people with enormous strength or powers only knock people
  about.
  
• Ian McKellen is a god. His performance as Magneto is a wonder.
  From his confinement in a plastic cage, beaten and drugged, to the
  moment when he notices "there's something different about you" and his
  escape I find him completely believable. He's utterly comfortable in
  his skin. As he meets and teams up with the X-Men, he's at ease and
  amused, but deadly.
  
• Brian Cox is a wonderful villain - he's given believable motivation
  and manages to be a credible threat to this group with astounding
  powers without overplaying it. Without spoilers, he doesn't disappoint
  even at the end.
  
• Nightcrawler! I also credit Alan Cummings for both the physical
  performance and for managing a character that is both meek and
  fearless. And bravo again, Mr. Singer, for having a character that is
  deeply religious - a ground that many are fearful to tread without
  mockery.
  

I was less satisfied with the fate of Jean Grey. Yes, those of us that
have knowledge of the comic version of the X-Men know what's going on.
And of course, it's easy to see the points where the hints at greater
power and a potential transformation clear. Somehow, they didn't do it
for me. And I know Singer is capable of it. The Usual Suspects
is one of my favorite films and a model of subtlety and master editing
to the same effect.

Oh, and didn't Storm have an accent in the last film?

Still, fun, action packed, a great summer movie.

Cross-posted at "The Owl's
Perch"

Why psychology has got it wrong

Why psychology has got it wrong

I'll be the first to admit - I don't know enough to comment on this. On the other hand, that's rarely stopped me.

The discipline I believe has failed: philosophy.

I know - offer your evidence, sir.

Soon.

The iTunes Music Store

Something interesting, even if you don't currently use a Mac or and iPod.

Now that the hype has died down a bit, do yourself a favor and take a look at what Apple's accomplished. It may be difficult to see without a Mac, but here it is in a nutshell: you can buy music with one click - by the song or the entire album - legal - from the major 5 music labels.

The selection is still limited (under 300,000 songs), but it's a good start. And the independent labels are not there, but will be soon, if I understand correctly. Apple, as a 3rd party, has broken through the labels fears of the technology and gotten most of the problems out of the way.

For me, I wanted to make a pre-show CD with movie music for my home theater. I launched iTunes, selected Soundtracks from the list, and quickly found a couple of movie soundtracks. No, I don't need the entire soundtrack album from "Chicken Run", but the main theme is lots of fun - one click and 99 cents and it's mine. I selected a couple of others (then end them from Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind and the opening from The Emprie Strikes Back), made a playlist and dragged some other music I already owned, put in a CD and clicked "Burn". All done - easy, legal, done in a few minutes.