One's Lot, One's Role

Do you ever feel like you've been demoted from the hero of the story of you life to the funny sidekick? I use my self appointed nickname with clear tongue-in-cheek recognition that this may be the case.

This is a topic that could use novel-length exploration.

I'm a great fan of the writings of Steven Pinker. His latest work, The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature is a clearly argued piece, and like his other work, a joy to read. In it, and in an aside that is not central to his argument, he talks about the roles we as individuals take on, most often in small groups. Many find that role and play it all their life, it suits their temperament. It struck me, this passage. You see, I've always seen myself as a leader, a strong, authoritative, cool thinking voice of reason. But when I look at what role I've actually played, it's not that at all. Oddly enough, I have played, and continue to play, a very different role. I can map it out from high school to where I work today, but won't bore you with these details. While I remain the protagonist of my life's story, I'm no hero.

Who am I? I'm the Rabbi. I'm the person that people of power, the real leaders talk to. They don't ask me for advice and don't take it when I offer. I am not popular, sought after, not socially considered. I'm the one they confess their doubts to, work through ideas, strengthen their resolve. I have never sought out this role, but I'm beginning to accept it.

It's a strange thing. I was brought up in a very religious community and early on set myself on a path that would have made me a leader in the church. This would have been an easier epiphany if I still believed. But I've rejected faith and fate, put behind me the desire to tell others what to believe or how to behave. And now I discover that even without the trappings of faith that it is my natural, innate gift.

Now, what do I make of that? I've made it sound more passive than I intended. I still act, contribute, have value in the services I provide, the talents I exercise. I also know that I play more than one role. I'm a father, husband, friend. I'm trained as a playwright. In fact, if I had to pick on simple answer to "What are you?" my answer is clearly, "A writer."

The real question is this: in the 40 or so years that lie before me do I continue to fight this "destiny" (there's a word I'd prefer to avoid)? What can I make of me?