Things Worth Believing In

Now here's a list of things that have merit believing in.

THE WORLD QUESTION CENTER 2005

But then again, these are scientists (for the most part). So if you prove their beliefs incorrect, they'll thank you for it.

Shore Leave

I'm taking a brief break to enjoy the holidays with my family. Back soon!

Apparently, watching the movie was too much trouble.

Ah, another idiot that didn't bother to do basic research:

Giant robots in the backyard | CNET News.com: "It's been a common theme in U.S. science fiction, too, although typically on a more human scale. Robert Heinlein's 1959 novel 'Starship Troopers,' and the 1997 film made from the book, featured soldiers with powerful exoskeletal armor that dramatically augmented their strength."

No, the movie didn't have soldiers in exoskeletons. It was a big letdown for what was an otherwise rollicking B grade scifi yarn.

I sometimes wonder where they find these writers.

Hal. Open the voting booth curtain, Hal.

The Diebold Variations

Evidence Of The Existance Of Evil

I grew up in rural Illinois and I remember when the first Wal-mart arrived in the middle 70's. It was something of a cultural event. A Saturday night out included a trip to Wal-mart.

But I've never liked the place. Unlike Target which is clean, well lit, has wide isles and inexpensive and attractive merchandise, Wal-mart is crowded and often dirty with jumbled shelves. It feels like a trip to the State fair.

Down and Out in Discount America: "Al Zack, who until his retirement in 2004 was the United Food and Commercial Workers' vice president for strategic programs, observes that appealing to the poor was 'Sam Walton's real genius. He figured out how to make money off of poverty. He located his first stores in poor rural areas and discovered a real market. The only problem with the business model is that it really needs to create more poverty to grow.' That problem is cleverly solved by creating more bad jobs worldwide."

One has to spend a few years in corporate America to learn that there can be good companies, but there can also be truly bad ones, ones with evil intent. In a past job I had touches with both corporate operations at Enron and Wal-mart. Both, it was clear even 10 years ago, had bad intent. They were not a good partners for anyone. Both planned their business to drive all of the positive benefits to themselves and gloried in crushing other businesses. One has reaped the whirlwind. The other is still going to and fro in the world.

The community where I live has fought them off, but it was a protracted legal battle. The only thing that can stop their downward crush on the minimum wage worker is to unionize their workforce. Make them compete on a level playing ground.

Ah!

William Gibson: "And then there are those episodes of history that unravel with the breathtaking and utterly unexpected abruptness of a cashmere miniskirt catching on a chainlink fence... "

So nice.

The Things One Learns

What one misses when one is raised in a barn!

SERVING & STORING PORT @ Into Wine: "Another tradition provides for, in the event that the decanter does not come full circle, back to the host, a proper means of getting it there. As it is bad 'port-iquette' to ask directly for the decanter, the host instead is to ask the individual closest to the decanter, if he knows the bishop of Norwich or other village in England. The question is not meant to get an answer but action – namely the immediate passing of the port. If however, the unfortunate offender should answer the question by saying 'No,' he should be told that 'the bishop is an awfully good fellow, but he never passes the port!' "

That's Twice

Come on, Bruce. You're a smart guy. Surely there's a FedEX office right around the corner.

Too bad you can't take these on planes

Or simply pack up 400 or so of them and check them. Or haven't you been watching Lost?

Exactly How Much Is This Costing Us?

CNN.com - U.S. missile defense test fails - Dec 15, 2004: "A target missile carrying a mock warhead was successfully launched as scheduled from Kodiak, Alaska, at 12:45 a.m. EST, in the first launch of a target missile from Kodiak in support of a full flight test of the system.

However, the agency said the ground-based interceptor 'experienced an anomaly shortly before it was to be launched' from the Ronald Reagan Test Site at Kwajalein Atoll in the central Pacific Ocean 16 minutes after the target missile left Alaska.

An announcement said the interceptor experienced an automatic shutdown 'due to an unknown anomaly.'"

Christ.

Missile defense is a pipe dream. It simply can't be done. And more simply, if it could be done missiles are one of the last things we have to defend against. How exactly is a missile defense system going to protect us against a U-haul truck packed with fertilizer and nuclear medical waste?

Yes, a nuclear weapon on a missile is a really bad thing. So spend the billions making sure none are pointed at us.

You might as well be white.

Emil Guillermo nailed this one. He caught my interest by talking about his 16 year old daughter - something I hold in common with him. But he does so much more with this column. The title of the post is a striking line from the article, a cause to take a moment and contemplate. I, like him, do not consider myself conservative. Mostly.

The Good Kind Of Conservative"At that point, my personal conservatism shows its limits. It's too selfish, and not broad enough for society at large. If you want justice, fairness and equality for all in an America that is diverse in race and thought, conservatism doesn't move fast enough. We need more yeses. There are too many nos."

Last night I went with Kathleen down to the Columbus Music Hall, a somewhat renovated (let's say converted) Edwardian firehouse, where every Monday night Vaughn Weister leads his Famous Jazz Orchestra through three sets of big band magic. Kathleen goes there every Monday and Vaughn graciously invites her up to play string bass for a few numbers. Last night it was snowing, so I used it as an excuse to tag along. I couldn't be prouder.

She's beautiful and talented and talking about making a run at getting in to Juliard. I have no idea if she has what it takes, but I support her in trying. I must admit I'm a little nervous at the prospect of her moving to New York and immersing herself into the Jazz scene, but I know there will be some terrific people there to look out for her if she can make it.

But she's still 16 and that means sometimes I have to be aggressively conservative. I don't like her dating and so far she hasn't. I am vocally opposed to a "friend" who is a college freshman that stays in frequent contact. Nice kid, but a college boy has no business around my high school junior daughter. You want to see how quickly I switch from my support for global pacifism to direct and violent intervention then keep heading down that path, mister.

My younger one turns 12 on Friday and has been chafing for months at our rule that she had to wait for her birthday to get her ears pierced. When both turn 18 they have my blessings and their conduct is none of my business. I wish them to be happy and healthy and near to me as possible so I can spoil my grandchildren rotten.

My family values are extremely protective and hardly liberal. That's another reason that I think that government is best at only two levels - one federal and remote with virtually no limits to behavior and a second, as local as possible that provides the services that directly touch me, like educating my children and picking up the trash. I'll deal with the behavior, thank you.

It's About Validation

Something about this strikes me as the shape of things to come.

Wired News: Home-Brew IPod Ad Opens Eyes

First, this self-made ad is very good. Now take a moment and think of a world where virtually anyone can make an advertisement for their favorite products. Why would people do that? Because convincing someone else to buy what you have (or want) is validation of your desires.

And I think it goes to the heart of a fundamental assertion I made nearly 10 years ago when I tried my hand at starting and running a business. "People want to be right more than they want to be rich or recognized."

The web is a medium of personality. What is interesting is opinion and individuality. That's why blogs are taking off. And in them some of us will talk about the things we buy and how much we love or hate them. Smart businesses will ride the wave. Others will attack and fight this, which will be ultimately self defeating.

Ain't No Too Sides About it

Sometimes I despair about the South.

School Defends Slavery Booklet "Principal Larry Stephenson said the school is only exposing students to different ideas, such as how the South justified slavery. He said the booklet is used because it is hard to find writings that are both sympathetic to the South and explore what the Bible says about slavery.

'You can have two different sides, a Northern perspective and a Southern perspective,' he said."

Let me put it simply: there are not two sides to this issue. Slavery was a great human evil. There is no evidence that the South would have soon stopped the practice. Those that used the Bible to justify slavery were wrong to do so.

And although there may have been many reasons for the Civil War, the issue of slavery was paramount. The distraction of the "states rights" issue was simply another smoke screen to prolong the economic benefit of this terrible sin.

I sigh as I think of this and it leads me to radical thoughts. You know what? State have long lost their usefulness. I'm a citizen of the United States not at citizen of Ohio. I'm not an Illinoisan because I was born there. I'm an American. I'll live wherever I damn well please and I don't care to deal with 50 different sets of peculiar laws. It's time to give up the distinction. I only see the need for a Federal government, and a local one (very local if you ask me).

Doug Wilson and Steve Wilkins, the authors of this pamphlet win my Evil Idiots of the Month award.

Ain't Nobody's Business If I Do

Christ, I'm tired of this nonsense.

MSNBC - Philly officials may ban kids from later PG films

Now you have to understand - I'm a big stickler for movie and event behavior. I HATE people who talk and make noise through movies. It even annoys me when they blab through the trailers. And I detest people that bring little kids to movies the have no business being in.

But I absolutely loath making laws about behavior. So, call me a big libertarian. What I think this country needs is a massive reform effort to strip all behavioral controls short of violent acts out of the system. It's none of your business what I drink or smoke, who I have sex with, or if I decide to take kids to a movie.

I do support movie theaters enforcing civil behavior and silence. If a theater wanted to say, "no kids under 13 after 7 PM" then fine - I'd really like that. I like it when a restaurant has a no smoking policy. But no laws.

Hey, you in government. Keep your eye on the ball. It's your job to provide for the public welfare. Make sure that we're safe, provide a safety net, and have a level playing field to keep the greedy bastards from trying to put us all back into feudal serfdom. Then go home.

My Dream Job

Some people love The Onion (I do too). But for shear comic genius, you have to tip your hat to the Weekly World News.

There are times when I threaten to quick my job, renew my subscription to Mother Earth News and survive by growing tomatoes on the roof of my house. In other times of whimsy I long for a job writing for the WWN. What a joy it would be to write up any weird, funny, or outright strange thing that strikes me and see it in my local supermarket the next week.

Of course, sometimes they just report the news AFRICAN TRIBE WORSHIPS SALMA HAYEK'S BREASTS!

Brilliant, But Just A Theory

This is both funny and thought/anger provoking: Textbook disclaimer stickers

Creationism is another attempt by the religious right to undermine our entire society and create the theocracy they long for. But I understand this: they must fight for this.

Why? Because "biblical literalists" have set themselves up with a completely untenable position and organization of their beliefs. They can't even consider evolution. If they did, they'd have to admit that the bible is not 100% literal. Then they'd have to start considering all the other things that may not be exactly as they are presented in a version of these writing edited by committee 400 years ago. And they'd also have to admit that the bible isn't the most ancient of human writings.

They can't consider that human civilization stretches back not 2,000 or 4,000 but more than 10,000. And humans completely identical to ourselves have been around far, far longer.

The issue is really quite simple. Evolution is one of the great intellectual achievements of human kind. It can be observed. The evidence is in virtually every field of study. And as the stickers point out, it's not just a "cockamamie theory", but the best explanation that we have for how things work. No other explanation or theory exists to compete with it. Period.

Creationism is a belief. It is an expressed preference. "I wish it weren't this way. Here's the way I wanted it to be."

Strangely enough, the Star Trek universe supports creationism. In the mythology or backstory of the multiple series, we discover the the universe was "seeded" and guided by a massively advanced progenitor alien race in the far distant past. That's the clever way they explain that most aliens look just like us, but with bumpy foreheads and can have sex and cross-breed pretty easily. You'll also find that in the Star Trek universe that genetic engineering is forbidden because human's can't be trusted with it's awesome power, although atomic weapons and the much more powerful anti-matter and photon torpedoes are peachy. This is why we don't learn our science from TV and movies.

I'll Drink To That!

I am not a sophisticated or extremely experienced drinker, but I have learned a few things.

First, this is the only way to drink Irish Coffee:



To get the whole experience, you've got to visit the Buena Vista in San Francisco. I make a pretty good one, based on their recipe.

I came to drinking later in life than most and from a family of teetotalers. I don't drink much and hate paying the staggering prices at bars and restaurants. I'll drink a glass of wine with a meal. I enjoy the first refreshing long draught of beer on a hot day. But I don't drink more than two or three at a time. Frankly, one is enough. But I've also discovered I have a taste for and tolerance of sprits.

I take my whiskey and bourbon straight or with a splash of club soda. A tall vodka martini, up or on the rocks is heaven. I'm right with the British Navy and toss back my tot of rum in one (a little diet coke, if you must). Nothing fancy, thank you. Just a good quality scotch or cognac. Oh, and port! I'll pass up that piece of chocolate cake for that small glass or port any day.

What the Fark?

I like Fark.com - it's often funny and informative. But I too often forget that the net is largely run by children.

This thread makes it clear. It's pathetic, but funny too. Here we have a bunch of guys, self-admitted geeks, bemoaning the fact that they don't know how to attract women. Endless discussion on why they're still virgins, perhaps because they're too nice, too smart, or perhaps a little shy. The other guys get the girls because they're jerks and that's what women really want.

Or not. Come on, guys! You do hilarious photoshop contests. It's not that hard.

Captain Randy's Simple Rules For Attracting Women

1. Forget blaming it on jerks. Nobody likes jerks. What women find attractive is power.
2. No, it's not about confidence, it's about power and potential power. If you're doing something that interests you and doing it well and in public (see #5) women will respond to you. Part 2: it's not about money - money may bring power, but it's not having power that's important, it's the perception that you can get power and influence that makes you attractive. Power can be work related, civic, artistic. Power signals that you'd make a good mate or at least fun to hang out with for an evening. Part 3: you can not use your mastery of Star Trek trivia as a substitute for power. Or video game prowess. Or Monty Python quoting ability. Strangely enough, blogging well is very attractive to women (sorry girls, I'm happily married).
3. Don't be a slob. Christ, could you at least put on a clean shirt?
4. You're not that smart. Stop using you're enormous intelligence as an excuse. Intelligence is sexy and attractive. What is not attractive is a bunch of geeks hanging out together giggling about minutia. Just stop it.
5. Get out. Good, single, straight men are in short supply. Turn off the farking computer and go where other people are, where they're doing stuff. Doesn't matter what. Just stuff.
6. OK, confidence is good. Don't be afraid to be alone. Go places, dress well, be happy. Leave the rest of the geeks at home. Do not hang out with them.
7. Stop constructing the ideal of the perfect women off of internet porn. It's not helping you. Construct your ideals of attractive women by being out in public and seeing what's available. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you see.
8. When you do find yourself interested in a woman, ask for a date and be clear. Say it this way: "would you like to go on a date?" Don't set yourself up again for a "just friends" relationship. That way if she says no, you're cool and didn't waste your time. And if she says yes, give careful attention to rule number 9.
9. Touch her. Just a gentle touch on the back of the hand, the back of her arm. Show her that you are interested in her physically. Not touching shows that you are the eunuch boy that she can complain about all the jerks too. Haven't you had enough of that?
10. If you're under 20 years old, stop sweating this stuff. Nobody under 25 knows what they're doing.

It can work, boys. I've known some of the geekiest guys on the planet and they've managed to find women that love them.

Surprisingly Accurate

As seen on Every Fool:

Looks just like me, too. (although I suspect it's slightly more than 40% - I had to fix the blockquote tag.

You are 40% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Mysteries? Hmm, is it a green one?

OK, as a work of art, maybe. But there's something about this that really bugs me.

A bookshop organized by color. "For one amazing week in November, Adobe Bookshop in San Francisco has agreed to allow its estimated 20,000 books to be reclassified by color. Shifting from red to orange to yellow to green, the books will follow the spectrum continuously, changing Adobe from a neighborhood bookshop into a magical library—but only for one week."

My wife hates it when I yell at the TV, but idiots piss me off. Some time ago we were watching a decorating show and the designer was so proud of a reading room where he'd organized all of the books based upon their colors. It immediately set me off.

I'm a lover of books, both as a reader and one who enjoys the art of the book itself. The book as an object holds special value to me. But to organize your shelfs by the color of the binding completely disregards the special nature of books and relegates them to knickknacks, disposable, valueless, pretty things. Arrange them to look pleasing. It matters not what's in them. It's as bad as the designers who load up a model home with Readers Digest Condensed Books and the cast offs from rummage sales.

Here's a secret about me. I judge people and their intellect by the books they read and keep in their homes. I watch what people are reading in restaurants and airports. Lots of my friends and acquaintances, good people, have no books and read very rarely. I find that a sad thing. I love visiting someone's home to discover a shelf of books. So rarely do I find walls full. It's a treat.

What can you tell about me by the books on my shelves? Well, on the ground floor when you enter the family room, you'll find a wall filled with books. You'll see a shelf of cookbooks and above it, three shelves of plays and books on theatre history and criticism. The middle section is overflowing with mysteries, some horror (but not much), American history, biographies, world history, and general literature (which has flowed over into the theater section). The third section is filled with books on religion, myth, philosophy, science, physics and math, and topped by a shelf of comedy. Next to a big comfy leather chair and ottoman you'll find a table which currently holds a copy of Remembrance of Things Past (or Searching for Lost Time, if you prefer) borrowed from Hedwig, a slim volume labeled "The Emperor's Handbook" which is a version of Marcus Aurelius writings, and whatever else I'm currently reading.

In the guest bathroom you'll find a small stack of books, currently a volume of Ogden Nash's poetry and a volume of Francis Bacon, along with the delightful "I Saw Esaw".

In my den on the second floor you'll find another wall of books. One section is largely science fiction, but one shelf is naval fiction mainly occupied by Patrick O'Brian. The middle section is reference works, primarily, the the third contains science fiction anthologies and paperbacks and general fiction. And another comfy chair and a stack of new things to read.

Oh, and I also have a personal rule: never leave the house without something to read.

Elsewhere in the house you'll find shelves with children's literature. The girls each have shelves of their own books.

I'm willing to be judged by these books. But to take them and arrange them by their color shape or size is a travesty. A bookstore it to me a sanctuary, a chapel. Arranging the pews so one can roller-skate in the middle may be ecstatically pleasing, but it's also disrespectful and sacrilegious.

Einsteinian Pain Waves

Thank god for the internet. My modest education and years of reading completely missed this important universal force.

Wired News: Cattle, the Research Catalyst "Professor Bajaj is from the Delhi University's department of physics and astrophysics. He has spent 14 years investigating the effects of animal slaughter on earthquakes, air crashes and other disasters. 'The killing of animals causes natural and manmade disasters,' Bajaj said. 'But, since the cow is so useful to human beings, its slaughter causes exceptional seismic activity. The cries of the animals go down to the earth through Einsteinian pain waves.'"

Perhaps I should mail off for a PhD in physics and astrophysics. Got to admit, that would look pretty cool on my business cards. "Doctor Captain Randy".