Evil Idiots of the Month for August: Mark Helprin & Tim Goeglein

Metafilter turned me to this article and set my blood boiling: The Art of Telling Parties Apart

I've resisted the claims of cultural warfare, but if this is the dividing line, so be it.

"Goeglein recalled a dinner party that he and his wife recently attended in Northwest. Out of the six couples around the table, Goeglein and his wife were the only Republicans.As is inevitably the case, he said, the conversation soon turned to the couples' children -- most 5 or 6 years old -- and aspirations for their future occupations. One parent said editor; another, publisher; a third wanted the child to go into education.'I was intrigued by the question, and the answers of every one of our Democratic friends,' Goeglein said. Not one parent, he said, gave an answer that would be more typical of Republicans. 'Our party, in the way it is constituted, we think of medicine, we think of law, we think of business. We don't think, gee, I hope my son grows up to be a great playwright or painter or poet,' he explained."

That made me upset, but this makes me mad:

"But for Helprin, the divide remains. "The arts community is generally dominated by liberals because if you are concerned mainly with painting or sculpture, you don't have time to study how the world works. And if you have no understanding of economics, strategy, history and politics, then naturally you would be a liberal.""

Excuse me, but I'm going to use some strong language now. Thank god I've been watching "Deadwood."

Helprin, you cocksucker. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You goddamn, fucking, moron. Christ almighty what harm you do!

OK, feeling a little better now.

Helprin calls himself a writer and doesn't think liberals understand the way the world works? Who better understands the world, who studies, reads, and more importantly, gets out in the world to see what's really happening than those that study the liberal arts.

And as a parent, what do I want for my children? I want them to be safe, happy, and fulfilled. I do not want to perscribe a particular profession just because I think they will make lots of money. My eldest daughter is planning on studying music, the jazz string bass, and I fully encourage her to follow it as far as it leads her. My youngest daughter, too young to really know what she'll want to do later in life, is already a skilled and award winning artist.

As far as I can tell, they both will have more profitable and longer careers as artists than they might as computer programmers, for example. And they can use their old man as a roll model in this. I'm trained as a playwright and writer and have an advanced degree in theater. When people ask me what I am I tell them "a writer." And I've made a very good living in business, all based on my writing and theatrical skills. And now, in my forties, having some experience in the world, I'm ready to put those skills back where they belong: writing plays. How dare they declare that this is not a worthwhile occupation. How dare they saddle every activity with the necessity of economic benefit.

I'm sick and tired of the current administration treating the American public as if we just don't understand. Bush, with his smirking, talk down to me attitude, drives me insane, more than his policies. "If you only understood the world like we do. Let me explain it to you in simple language." God, how it infuriates me. We, the American people, do understand. Don't you dare talk down to us.

Well let me tell you, all of you right wing, low wage wanting, republican elitists, we artists and liberals understand the world more fully and accurately than you could ever hope to. Not only do you NOT understand the world, but you've gotten everything (actually, it's staggering how much) so completely wrong that we'll be decades in cleaning up the mess you've made.

What joyless, dry lives you must lead. What frustrated, troubled children you must raise. But don't worry. We artists will always be here. And we'll be remembered. What survives a great civilization, long lost? Its art.

This Nearly Wired World

I just got off the phone with my nearly 17 year old daughter who is traveling in Italy. She's there with the Columbus Youth Jazz Orchestra (and they sound nothing like my high school jazz band). She's been there for 2 weeks now and that was the first we had heard from her. It was a pleasure and a relief.

We weren't worried, but we get so used to being able to contact anyone, virtually any time. I live on the net and receive and answer email all day long. I've carried a cell phone now for over 11 years.

But just how unwired we are has been made clear. In addition to 2 weeks in Italy, Kathleen also spent 2 weeks in China. In both places she didn't have easy access to computers to send email (although she did manage 2 email messages from China). And this brief phone call was at a pay phone.

It's sad to point out that Europe and Asia have far superior wireless phones than we do in the US. I am completely disgusted that the artificial barrier of "country" means that I'm separated from friends and family when they travel (or I do). I want my cell phone to be able to call anyone on the planet without distinguishing between where they might be. And I don't want any added charges. Minutes is minutes.

Redefining Christianity Is The Devil's Work

This stuff makes me tired.

Who Loves Creepy Megachurches? / Stadium crowds, thousands of rabid devotees, all chugging Jesus like Kool-Aid. Should you be afraid?

And it's exactly this type of thing that helped open my eyes, start me thinking, and to become an ex-Christian.

One of my earliest cogent thoughts as a child happened while sitting through another seemingly (and almost actually) endless sermon about "building the Kingdom of God." As a child, probably less than seven, I couldn't figure out why they hadn't done it yet. And why exactly did no one that I knew live anything remotely like the stuff that was continually taught?

It's clear to me now that these mega-churches have figured that out as well and have changed the message. God wants you to rich, fat, and lazy.

I am no longer a believer, but I'd have a hell of a lot more respect for those that did if someone finally stood up and said, "hey, none of this stuff is remotely like what Jesus taught or reportedly did. Let's leave all of our stuff behind and go off and help the poor and sick."

It's the leaving all the worldly goods behind that makes most Christians pause and say, "but God doesn't want me to disrupt my life. He want's me to have good things." Run that little thought experiment again, partner. Let's accept for a minute that the gospel story of Jesus is somewhat accurate. Who exactly was Jesus hanging out with and helping/healing? Why exactly did he piss off the authorities? Oh, and back off on the preaching and conversion stuff. Let your actions speak for you.

People that actually do this kind of thing are regarded as somewhat crazy and looked at with some concern by "mainstream" Christians.

Eh, you're all nuts as far as I'm concerned.

One's History As Told By One's Vehicles

Doc Searls (who I met briefly at this years Macworld) reviews the cars he has owned, while reflecting on his 58th birthday.
The Doc Searls Weblog : Friday, July 29, 2005

So, not my birthday, but here's my list, as complete as I can make it. This included not only automobiles that I have owned, but ones that were designated my vehicle.

My grandfather's, then my father's, dark olive green 1964 Ford pickup. This vehicle, which I drove for many years on and around the farm and even after I got my license at 16, is part of one of my earliest memories. I clearly remember my grandfather placing me behind the wheel, putting it in first gear, and letting me drive it around the pasture while he pitched hay out of the back for the cows. The truck was new and I was 4. My father traded that truck for a late model 70's Ford pickup, which he had painted powder blue. I drove it, too, while still in high school.

A 1974 Chevy Impala (pretty sure that was the year). This was one of the cars my father had and it was the car I drove most often, when I wasn't driving the truck. It was lime green and 4 doors and I drove it like it was a sports car, at one point loosing 2 hubcaps taking a corner way too fast.

1972 Karman Ghia Convertable. Canary yellow with black top. My dad picked this one up in late summer 1980 and I drove it back to Iowa for my senior year at college. I was 20 years old, had just spent my second summer working for the construction crew and as I drove it back to school I felt strong and confident - fully a man. I also found I had lost my fear of talking (and asking out!) girls and by October had met and started dating Diane. I drove the car home for Thanksgiving break, just ahead of a huge snow storm and the day after Thanksgiving the car threw a rod. The car was repaired and I bought it from my divorcing parents years later for what he had paid for it: $2,000. I drove it off and on for years, but it was unreliable and I didn't have time to fool with it. I sold it just a couple of years ago when i was starting my home theater project. I got $2,000 for it.

The "OWL". This was a bright orange VW "square back" my father also had. Its liscense plates had "OWL" on it. It was an ugly, uncomfortable car, but the back row seats folded down and there was a lot of room back there. Enough to stretch out in sleeping bags. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

The next summer, before Diane and I were married in August of 1981, my parents asked me to come back and work on the farm. I agreed, but shouldn't have. Children should never go home. As farm work always has been, it was hot, endless labor. My independence was a struggle for them, too. At the end of the summer and as part of our agreed compensation, my father bought a used late 70's Chevy Caprice Classic. 4-door and ugly as sin. Diane and I drove that through our first year of marriage and an icy Iowa winter.

When I went to grad school in Southern Illinois, I traded the Caprice for a Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme with a diesel engine. It was probably a 80 or 81 model. The car looked good - two door, red with a white top, but wasn't terribly reliable. This is also the car I got t-boned in and learned my lesson about always ALWAYS wearing my seatbelt. I got off with only a bump on the head and the car was repaired. At this time Diane drove a bright orange VW Rabbit diesel that her parents had given her. She put 10 years and many miles on the vehicle before we took it on its last legs to trade it for a Ford Escort. She also drove that vehicle for 10 years.

Next was my first new car and the biggest lemon I've ever owned. It was an Isuzu Trooper. I think it was a 1986 or 1987 model. Also diesel. It was underpowered and spent over 3 weeks in the repair shop in the first year. At that point I asked the dealer to make me an offer to trade for another vehicle because I'd lost confidence in that one. They passed and treated me like an idiot for having bought that particular model. I'm telling you, like I tell everyone: Never buy anything from Isuzu. The trooper eventually blew out its engine on east bound 270 and left a foot-wide oil stain on the road for a half mile as I coasted to the shoulder. The stain was still visible for months afterwards.

I had the trooper towed to the local mega-dealer who sold both Isuzu and Fords. I said they could repair it or sell me a new, non-Isuzu vehicle. This dealer was smarter and I bought a new 1989 Ford Areostar minivan. This was a reliable and flexible vehicle.

I'd had such good luck on the Areostar that when it was time to trade I bought a 1998 Ford Winstar minivan. Both vans were great for us and 2 small kids. They were perfect for long road trips and when necessary, we could take out all of the back seats and have a literal cavern of storage space. Kathleen is still driving the Winstar - it's perfect for hauling around her string bass.

Shortly after buying the Areostar, we retired Diane's Escort and bought her a 1999 Ford Taurus. She drives it still and it's reliable and comfortable. She can keep vehicles longer since she only drives the for work and puts few miles on them. She also doesn't want "too nice a car" to drive in downtown Columbus and parked in city lots and garages.

I'm now driving a totally wonderful 2004 Lexus RX 330. It's comfortable, flexible, and the service that comes with it is outstanding. It's a reward to myself for years of driving minivans, well earned, I think.

And This Is Why I Don't Shop At Wal-Mart

I saw this article referenced on Metafilter:

Here's why you can't buy the News Journal at Wal-Mart

Frankly I've never liked Wal-Mart, even without their heavy handed politics. I find their stores to be dirty, chaotic, poorly organized, and filled with sub-standard goods. For years I've had first hand evidence that they are completely draconian in their business dealings. They make completely unreasonable demands of their vendors, and when they don't get their way, they pull all their business. I lump them together with the fine folks that ran Enron.

I do shop at Sam's Club. I'd rather shop at Costco, but don't have one closer than 2 hours away. At least Sam's Club is clean, well lit, has well organized shelves and wide isles.

Farewell, Scotty

CNN.com - James Doohan, 'Star Trek's' Scotty, dead

As an unabashed Trekkie I bid a fond goodbye to this reliable character actor. How few people have created characters that live on beyond them and are known around the world?

I Spy With My Little Cell Phone

OK, this is pretty cool.

Amabuddy - Comparison shopping by mobile phone (888) 937 4462

The idea is this: you're out shopping in the real world. You see a book or CD you're interested in. Should you buy it where you're currently touching it? Call Amabuddy and punch in the ISBN or UPC code and it will read you back the Amazon.com price and used prices for it!

What would make it even better (and give me a reason to finally get a camera phone) would be to enable camera phone bar code reading. Imagine being able to simply point your camera phone at something, then check your screen to see if it's a fair price. Coolness.

Thurber On The Brain

I must admit, I've been reading and thinking about James Thurber a lot lately, but you've got to admit, this has got to be a Thurber dog.

If it's not Photoshop'd, it's an amazing captured moment.

You do see it, don't you?

For your convenience, here's what I'm talking about:

Too Many Notes

One of my favorite movie lines is from "Amadeus". When Emperor Joseph II is asked how he liked a new Mozart piece he responds, "Too many notes." and when asked how to fix it, he says, "take out a few."

It's good to see that royalty stays true to form.

Sony products are too much trouble - The Queen

A Skeptic Is A Man You Can Trust

"In line to get my badge for this year's skeptics conference in Pasadena, Calif., I recognized the little man standing behind me. He was bald, with a full, white beard, and he looked older than I would have imagined. 'Excuse me,' he said, 'is this the line for the skeptics meeting?' When I nodded, he looked me up and down and replied, 'Oh, I doubt that.'"

I love James Randi. And I'm glad for the change in strategy of CSICOP. Geller and his ilk are small fry compared to the really dangerous sort we're faced with today.

Wealth Management Company = Strip Club?

I've got to admit, these headlines catch my eye, but this statement left me saying, "Waaaah?"

Designer dresses vs. retailored breasts "'I like well-fitted clothing with straight lines, a real classic look,' says Pollert, who works for a wealth management company and tends to dress more conservatively than one might expect of a woman who has had breast implants that increased her cup size to 34F. 'I'm bigger around the top, but I'm small everywhere else,' she says. 'So I have to have everything tailored, especially jackets.'"

34F.

F?

Wow.

Ten Years In a Quandary

In my research into James Thurber I was struck that he wrote, “One of the greatest fears of the humorous writer is that he has spent three weeks writing something done faster and better by Benchley in 1919.”

or

”. . . plagued with the suspicion that a piece he has been working on for two days was done much better and probably more quickly by Robert Benchley in 1924.”

So, I thought I should look into Benchley. He falls into that rather large group of writers I’ve always heard about, but read very little of. So, I picked up his book My Ten Years In A Quandary and How They Grew. I can see exactly what Thurber was getting at.

In particular, find a small piece called “Spy Scare.” To me a moment to realize that he was writing about the US just after World War I, not today.

I seem to have known, but forgotten that Peter “Jaws” Benchley is his grandson.

See more progress on: write in my blog everyday

That natural cosmetically enhanced look you've always wanted.

At times like these I'm thankful that I'm a guy and don't have to think about these things.

"Built-in sculpted graduated cups are designed to create a natural cosmetically enhanced look. Provides lift and slight separation to offer a fuller and firmer appearance both in and out of clothing."

OK, how exactly does this bra help you "out of clothing"? And why exactly would a woman want to conspicuously appear as if she'd had bad cosmetic surgery? (By definition, if you can tell, it's bad, right?)

If you're gonna speculate, dream big

It's just crazy enough to be true.

PBS | I, Cringely . June 9, 2005 - Going for Broke

I wish it were true. Quick, buy more Apple stock!

Eh? Never mind. It's more fun to speculate about season 2 of Lost.

Not A General Diagnosis . . . oh look - shiny!

CNN.com - ADHD adults struggle to focus - Jun 9, 2005 "Hallmarks of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can include a lack of focus and impulsiveness. It's also known as attention deficit disorder (ADD), a term many adults use because they are not hyperactive. Adults with attention disorders describe having great stores of energy and creativity, but trouble focusing it."

ADD, ADHD, Asperger Syndrome are all new excuses and labels, but for very few they're accurate diagnosis. Yes, I know a lot of programmers with poor social skills, but very few I'd suspect of a specific disorder. It is easy to say, "hey, I have trouble concentrating and I never get anything done, I mush have ADD!" If you think that, go get a diagnosis from a professional.

On the other hand, I do know a few that may have bovine spongiform encephalopathy (go ahead, try it, it's fun to say!).

OK, people don't get BSE. They get Creutzfeldt-Jacob Disease - not as fun to say.

Reading: One of the great joys of life

A recent question on ask.metafilter.com asked "how can I learn to read and comprehend faster?".

Lots of people had advice on how to skim and quickly polish off books, but I was dissatisfied with their responses. Here's mine:

First: ignore all the advice on speed reading. If you are reading for enjoyment and retention, it's useless. Go to the Cliff notes for the "gist" of the book.

Here's some tips that I think will help:

1. Remove distractions: don't try to read with the TV on, where there's lots of other people interrupting you, or even listening to vocal music. Do consider reading somewhere private and listen to instrumental music.

2. Let the writer tell you the story. Too many wrestle with trying to figure out what's going on from the very start, then fight with their misconceptions the rest of the way through. Let the story unfold before you.

3. Slow down! You're doing this for pleasure, remember? So, what's the rush? Enjoy what you're reading, savour it. No one has a timer on you. Yes, there are things we need to plow through, but when you read for pleasure, don't feel compelled to gobble it up.

4. Reread a favorite. You'll find that your comprehension a and perhaps your enjoyment will increase with a second or third reading. But don't overdo it. Don't become a freak that reads nothing but "The Lord of the Rings" or "The DaVinci Code" over and over again.

5. Read some plays. Get some scripts of modern plays (not Shakespeare to start with) and read them, but let them be staged in your mind, just as if you were sitting in the audience. This is great practice to transfer to novels.

6. Most important rule: always carry something with you to read. You'll find that if you never leave the house without a book you'll find many times during the day - lunch, long waits, breaks, that you can fill by reading for a bit. You'll be surprised at how quickly you can polish off a novel this way.

7. Become a voracious reader. Don't limit yourself to one type of books. Although you may love mysteries, you might find gold in historical novels, comic books, biographies, popular science, and science fiction. Read widely and deeply. You'll find that more experience with more types of books will increase your vocabulary and your understanding of writing and literature. That will also increase your reading speed.

8. Read aloud for someone. Reading to someone, a child, a significant other, is a surprisingly intimate experience. Yes, it will force you to slow down, but you'll find that it will dramatically and astonishingly increase your comprehension and enjoyment. And yes, it may also help increase your personal reading speed as well.

Reading is one of my great joys and pleasures in life. To read widely is a subversive act. Read everything and you can't help but to grow and change how you look at the world.

And here's another tip: writing is fun, too. Keep a journal, make your own blog. Readers who write have an opportunity to think more about the things they've read, which is also enjoyable.

What am I currently reading? Everything I can get my hands on by or about James Thurber and John McNulty. Do yourself a favor and look up these guys.

And there could be another reason . . .

CNN.com - Toyota boss fears policy backlash if GM, Ford crumble - Jun 8, 2005

I suspect he's right in fearing a backlash, but there is a fundamental reason GM and Ford are having trouble competing with Toyota. Toyota builds significantly better vehicles. Not just a little, A LOT better.

Last year I began shopping for a new vehicle for myself. The last four vehicles had been Fords and had been "good enough". But this time good enough wasn't good enough. I wanted something really comfortable and really reliable. I did my homework, talked to friends, and started test driving. There were no US manufacturers on my test drive list.

When I finally test drove the Lexus RX 330 I was done. It is incredibly well put together and a pleasure to drive. Then I started looking further and discovered how amazingly well they hold their value. Spend a few minutes looking online for one a couple of years old and you'll see what I mean.

GM is just too big. It makes cars we don't really want. It is not innovative. And yes, it has a big problem with it's workforce, which means we the taxpayers will end up taking over it's pension commitments. It's time for GM to get small, get competitive, and start producing vehicles that we the public want.

Downloading Beethoven

If you've not heard about this, take note: The BBC is broadcasting, then providing as downloads, all nine Beethoven symphonies.

BBC - Radio 3 - Beethoven Experience - downloads

I highly recommend them. Even if you're not a fan of classical music, these are excellent recordings and offer a terrific introduction to some incredibly interesting music. And this is your chance to download and keep them for free!

"She wasn’t really a blond."

HIGH FLYER "
On Western Airlines Flight 322, yesterday, a shapely blonde in 2nd class section suddenly stripped nude and paraded down the aisle. When she got to the 1st class section she grabbed several courtesy bottles of Scotch and then sat in row 10, singing and laughing.
She told the crowd of enthusiastically clapping passengers that she had just heard on the radio that she had won a million dollars in the state lottery. A stewardess tried to cover her, but the woman evaded her and raced up and down the aisles for 10 minutes with passengers cheering. Said the stewardess: 'She wasn't really a blond.'"

Of course, if this had happened on a US domestic carrier, the passengers would have quickly subdued and beaten the women to death.

Less Frequent Posting - Still Tastes Great!

Just because I'm not posting here as often doesn't mean I don't still love you. It's me, not you.

I'm using what little mental energy I have to research this play I'm writing. It's coming along very well, thank you.

At least the research is. Today I spent a considerable amount of time trying to find the lyrics to "Bye Bye Blackbird". The full lyrics, not just the chorus that virtually everyone knows. And listening to many different versions.

Why? Layers, man, layers. I'm looking for depth and dimensions to these men I'm writing about and the clues are fascinating. Once again, thank god I'm not writing a scholarly work, but I think I'm getting at something that the biographers and historians, and most especially the literary critics have completely missed. We'll see.

Pack up all my cares and woe . . .

Give in to distraction

My new office is positioned so that all of the voices from the customer service staff out in the cubicle farm is funneled right in. This afternoon the noise started building up, distracting me, so I turned on and turned up my stereo. I keep it turned to 87.9, WOSU, our local classical music station. Some nondescript piano music was playing and that did the trick.

But soon they announced they'd be playing the 'New World' Symphony by Dvorak. It is a piece of such beauty and wonder that I knew it would prove more distracting than the noise from outside my door. As the largo began, I found I could do nothing but close my eyes and feel the deep, heartbreaking music wash over me. Ah! Ah!

From outward appearances I'm a cool and unemotional fellow, but that's only the facade. Oh my, the sweet pain of this new world. What loss, what unimaginable loss?

This music isn't a distraction - it calls me to complete focus, complete attention.

The Hitchhicker's Guide Is Not A PDA

My friend Patrick over at Macinstuff is trying to wean himself from his Palm.

Macinstuff: A Week With My iPod As PDA (Part 1)

I've already done it - it didn't happen on purpose. I just don't use the thing anymore. I was a very early adopter and used my original Palm Pilot for everything. But now, not so much.

I've discovered that I no longer use my trusty (not rusty) old Palm IIIc. It sits on my desk, in its cradle and I sync it But I don't carry it any more.

Of course, I must quote Douglas Adams: "Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea."

I don't use my iPod as a PDA either. Frankly, I don't use anything to carry around my calendar. But I do have most of my contacts on my phone. I do use a Moleskine notebook, but not for the mundane - that's where all of my research for my current play project is.

You know why I think I don't use my Palm much anymore? I don't want too be that organized. I can see my schedule on my computer screen - that's enough. I don't really get out of the office much, so if you want to meet with me, call me at the office and I'll set up a meeting. Other times, eh.

As to digital watches, another "eh". I'm thinking about getting a pocket watch and start wearing vests.

Evil Idiot of the Month for May: Pat Buchanan

Part of me says, "this goes without comment", but I won't let it go at that.

WorldNetDaily: Was World War II worth it?

Buchanan is a knowing throwback to a part of US history that is largely forgotten. Not many know or recognize how vehemently isolationist this country was. Few want to face exactly how racist and anti-Semitic we were as well. And here we have one of the very few clear cut cases of human evil - Nazism - a victory that should live in pride for all Americans - and Mr. Buchanan claims "it wasn't worth it."

How dare he downplay the evil Germany perpetrated on the world. Does he really think Hitler could have been appeased with just Poland? Does he really think that if Britain had stayed out of the war that Hitler would have contented himself with just invading Russia? [He still wouldn't have beaten Russia. If you think he could have, you haven't read enough history - see what happened to Napoleon.]

We know what would have happened. Given time, all of the Jews and other "undesirables" of Europe would have been quietly eliminated. And you, Mr. Buchanan, would have been OK with that, wouldn't you? Contain Nazi Germany? Are you insane?

It's also too easy to forget just how much the Republicans hate FDR. Bush is now trying to lump him together with Stalin. So you, Mr. Buchanan, think that FDR and Churchill were worse than Hitler? Shame on you.

And for you, dear readers, don't be blinded by this insanity. Read history widely. If you have not read your Barbara Tuchman, do so immediately. The March of Folly* is again upon us.



*Could we please get someone to read this to the current President?

Signs We Wish We'd See

Traveling the roads between here and home I’m bombarded with messages. Why aren’t any of them truly useful, informative, or helpful? Perhaps an occasional apology.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Church Sign Generator

See more progress on: write in my blog everyday

Strange Nostalgia

Yesterday afternoon I had my regular dentist appointment. Kathleen and I have been taking our appointments together for years and I swung by the house around 3:30 P.M. to pick her up and have a quick brush and floss. Dr. Fulton, our family dentist for years, has his office in a very cool 1950's era medical building right beside the Westerville library. It's made of stone and glass with big exposed wood beams - someone was paying attention to Frank Lloyd Wright.

But now the owner of the building has sold it to an engineering firm and the dentist office has to go. By some trick of fate, Kathleen and I were their last patients before they pack up and move. They'll first go to temporary lodgings before moving into a new space, not yet built. Everyone, including the dental hygienist to the receptionist to Dr. Fulton, seemed in no hurry to complete our cleaning and checkup. Each pointed out that I was their last patient. As I shook Dr. Fulton's hand some of their reluctance and sadness rubbed off on me. I've been visiting that interesting and convenient office for 20 years. Not only will it be a new office location, but Kathleen will take separate appointments and before long, be gone herself. Strange how these ordinary events shape and color our lives.

Blogging from the Dashboard

That's right - this blog entry composed using a Dashboard Widget courtesy of Mac OS X 10.4, otherwise know as "Tiger".

Further reports pending.

Taken to Task

The wise, OLDER owl has pointed out, rightfully so, my careless use of the term "elderly".

These ARE the Good Older Days

Quite right. What I should have said was "Many that have lived into their 80s and 90s, when asked, report that their favorite time of life was from 50 to 70."

45

Shortly before his death at the age of 60, John McNulty sent his friend James Thurber a short note. It read: "I think that maybe threescore years and ten is subject to change without notice."

I've been reading a lot lately about a group of men in the first half of the last century. Virtually all of them died in their 50's and 60's. Sobering. Of course, these men worked obsessively hard, smoked continuously, drank like fish, and were without the benefit of modern medicine. Here, on my 45th birthday it gives me pause.

But it's a promising time. I see myself now entering a third stage of life. Childhood is long left behind (but not all childish ways). My years as a custodial parent are about over. And now it's time for what I hope is a long productive and enjoyable portion of life. Many elderly, when asked, report that their favorite time of life was from 50 to 70.

I have great hopes on a long life, longer than the threescore and ten if possible. I want to fill those years with getting to know my children as adults and being an active part of my grandchildren's lives. I want to spend as much time with my wife, traveling and finding new interests together. And I want to purse my personal interests as a writer and playwright.

Should that all be subject to change I have no regrets.

Wrestling with the Mundane

So, we need a new HVAC system. That’s Heating and Air Conditioning system for you civilians. And as I suspected, it’s frighteningly expensive. Mind numbingly so.

Really, really expensive.

But it must be done. So, I’m doing due diligence. I having at least four local contractors give me bids before I select one and open a vein for them.

And of course, I also need a new dishwasher, just replaced a garbage disposal, and I suspect that the gutters need work.

Ain’t owning a home fun?

See more progress on: write in my blog everyday

Wrighting

When I left grad school in 1985 I knew two things: I needed to make a living to support a family and although skilled and trained, I didn't have much to say. I knew I was not mature enough to write to my own satisfaction.

I have, over the past 20 years, written short stories, made a couple of novel attempts (vile stuff), published this blog, and written untold amounts of business and technical writing, let alone all of the marketing and PR stuff.

But now it's time. I've started a new play and am researching and reading in preparation for the first draft. The swirl of ideas is simply thrilling.

What kicked it off? Timing. Time. That long awaited maturity. Will In The World reminded me what it was to be a playwright and sent me back reading Shakespeare with a playwright's eye.

And a subject, an idea. The clear vision that tells me, yes, it will work. Something special that lit up a dark, empty stage in my mind and made me want to know what would happen.

So, if you see infrequent posts from me here, know that I'm intentionally killing the distractions, focusing on the subject, and building this new play.

First Class

I thought I had gotten to the terminal too early, so I paid the chair a dollar for a massage. All of the chairs were empty - four leather recliners looking out of place in the middle of the concourse. A sign announced they were "First Class." So I sat and the chair welcomed me and offered its services. For three minutes I was kneaded while late arrivals walked by on their way to pick up luggage. I let the firm twin balls roll up and down my back while two rather large women closed down the newsstand and gift shop. Though it looked like a recliner, it would not. That would have been too comfortable and too odd at the same time. Being comfortable in public is wrong in some way, I suppose.

Then the chair was done and welcomed me again, so rather than spend another buck, I got up and walked around, bound on one end by the escalators down to baggage claim and the other by dire warnings and pronouncements from the Traffic Security Administration. The elderly and well-fed uniformed agents did not increase my sense of security. And the food court, never very appealing, was closing as well. Port Columbus at 9 PM, a small and uninviting little airport.

I was, of course, standing in the incorrect spot. I missed her and soon found my phone buzzing, but reception was poor and it took several more calls to determine that she was waiting below, bag in hand. I gladly paid the parking attendant two dollars to purchase our escape and was glad to be on our way home.

Scanning for Americans

Yes, it's handy for the friendly crew of the Enterprise to be able to scan for life forms, but I would definitely prefer that terrorists and frankly, any one else NOT be able to scan my pockets for my passport information.

Why Use Remotely-Readable Passports?

But someone will get rich over this. I herby claim the invention of the RFD blocking passport wallet.

Maybe those nuts that cover themselves in tinfoil were on to something.

Evil Idiots of the Month for April: Paramount Television

Simply amazing. Is it just because no one at Paramount knows how to operate a spread sheet?

TrekToday - 'Enterprise' Sets No Longer Up At Paramount

How exactly is it that they don't think a Star Trek series won't make them untold millions of dollars? Even if UPN wants to do programing for young, black, urban females, doesn't ANYONE at Paramount understand that they can make Star Trek for the next hundred years, someone will pay to broadcast it first run (remember, both Next Generation and Deep Space Nine were run in syndication only), then sell DVDs and all of the other stuff the fans will buy.

Just plain stupid.

I'm just a fan. My parents weren't interested in Star Trek during its original run, so as a kid I had to catch it where I could and that wasn't often. I really got hooked starting around age 11, reading the novelizations by James Blish. If forced to classify myself, I'd call myself a fan, but not a Trekker and certainly not a Trekkie. I've never been to a convention, don't participate in online forums, and no, I don't write or read fan fiction. I do enjoy watching the shows and I've gotten a kick out of watching Enterprise with my youngest daughter. She was crushed when she heard it was canceled. Sometimes Paramount forgets that yes, there are hard core fans, but they are only the tip of the iceburg. There are literally millions more that watch and enjoy the series, just like me and Jen.

But now it's in the hands of the suits. They're still trying to figure out how the twist things around to make it a hit TV series. They don't (and frankly can't) understand that it doesn't have to be a hit for them to make LOTS of money. Simply keep it on TV, keep making new episodes, and the fans will watch, the fans will buy.

Little known fact of the day: Lucille Ball herself approved Star Trek for initial production. Yep, Lucy. God bless her.

There once was a Pope from Kentucky

He's got my vote.

Cardinal Randy

FAQ About Dennis For Pope

Back, But Behind

Yes, I too am lax in posting since retuning from family spring vacation last week. Here's a list of future topics:

Working on new play
Cross Country Travel By Car
Why watching Deadwood and travel is good for you
Tired of hearing too much about the Pope and musings on if a person can be truly intelligent, self aware, and a believer (I don't think so)

We now pause

Off with the family for a long anticipated Spring break vacation. I leave the internet in your capable hands until I return.

The Exact Same Thing Happened To Me

Tom Waits on his cherished albums of all time

"14 Passion for Opera Aria (EMI Classics) 1994

I heard 'Nessun Dorma' in the kitchen at Coppola's with Raul Julia one night, and it changed my life, that particular Aria. I had never heard it. He asked me if I had ever heard it, and I said no, and he was like, as if I said I've never had spaghetti and meatballs - 'Oh My God, Oh My God!' - and he grabbed me and he brought me into the jukebox (there was a jukebox in the kitchen) and he put that on and he just kind of left me there. It was like giving a cigar to a five-year old. I turned blue, and I cried."

Upon reading this I instantly reached for my iPod and found Jose Carreras singing this. It is utter bliss.

I don't know - kinda looks like a Pokeman to me

Pet store owner sees Satan's image on turtle's shell

I find that the innate pattern recognition ability that humans possess and works wonders most of the time, may also be one of the root factors in the development of religions.

As I recently wrote Hedwig:

"Here's me going out on a limb: religion might well be a human adaptation "artifact" from our pattern recognition abilities.

A while back we painted our guest restroom with a swirling, multi-color "faux" finish (shades of red, mainly). There at the throne, I see faces. Now I painted the walls myself. I know there are no faces there. And I don't see the same face twice. We see objects we recognize in clouds, in the pile of leaves behind the house, in a stray grill cheese sandwich. All artifacts of this remarkable brain being on alert. And it goes on from there. I think the roots of the supernatural are all there (along with some other adaptations that are useful to us in other ways - and this damn monkey curiosity).

I imagine that if some day we were to meet another intelligent race and some how found a way to communicate (which may be very, very difficult if not outright impossible), and we mentioned our many religious beliefs, they'd reply "what the fuck are you talking about?""

CSI: Shakespeare

Does everything in modern culture find its source in Shakespeare?


WARWICK

Come hither, gracious sovereign, view this body.


KING HENRY VI

That is to see how deep my grave is made; For with his soul fled all my worldly solace, For seeing him I see my life in death.


WARWICK

As surely as my soul intends to live With that dread King that took our state upon him To free us from his father’s wrathful curse, I do believe that violent hands were laid Upon the life of this thrice-famed duke.

SUFFOLK

A dreadful oath, sworn with a solemn tongue! What instance gives Lord Warwick for his vow?


WARWICK

See how the blood is settled in his face. Oft have I seen a timely-parted ghost, Of ashy semblance, meagre, pale and bloodless, Being all descended to the labouring heart; Who, in the conflict that it holds with death, Attracts the same for aidance ‘gainst the enemy; Which with the heart there cools and ne’er returneth To blush and beautify the cheek again. But see, his face is black and full of blood, His eye-balls further out than when he lived, Staring full ghastly like a strangled man; His hair uprear’d, his nostrils stretched with struggling; His hands abroad display’d, as one that grasp’d And tugg’d for life and was by strength subdued: Look, on the sheets his hair you see, is sticking; His well-proportion’d beard made rough and rugged, Like to the summer’s corn by tempest lodged. It cannot be but he was murder’d here; The least of all these signs were probable.


Warrick Brown vs the Earl of Warwick?

Catholic Cardinal Admits The Truth

"'You can find that book everywhere and the risk is that many people who read it believe that those fairy tales are real,' he said. 'I think I have the responsibility to clear things up to unmask the cheap lies contained in books like that.'"

Oh, wait a minute, he's talking about "The Da Vinci Code." I thought he was talking about the Bible.

And the scary part? This guy, until very recently, was the number 2 guy in "The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith".

You might know it better as its popular name, "The Inquisition."

How Wonderfully Odd

You'll recall, dear reader, my writing about bluegrass and Del McCoury
recently. Well, here's something interesting and odd and maybe just
plain freaky that you'll learn only here:

William Gibson listens to Del, too.

At least I'm pretty sure he does.

I recently decided to re-read "Virtual Light" and its two companion
novels (won't call them a trilogy - each work alone, but better
together), "Idoru" and "All Tomorrow's Parties". In ATP one of the
characters is a wiry and weird singer, Buell Creedmore.

And Chevette, another character we know from Virtual Light, is given a
knife she saw made with her protector and father figure, now dead. The
knife is hammered from a drive chain of a 1952 Vincent White Lighting
motorcycle. The chapter she receives it is titled "Vincent White
Lighting."

Knowing nothing more, it's a powerful story. More so when you know
McCoury's music and singing.

Especially this: Vincent Black Lighting

Billy boy, you deep.

The Taste of The Win

Something odd has happened since I began playing poker.

I know success. I know love, recognition, pride. I am intimate with
their opposites as well. But I really didn't know winning. I suppose
it's because I never played sports, team or individual. I've never
been much of a game player - fun, but not challenging. I don't have
the right sort of mind for chess - I'm too visceral and impatient.
There is satisfaction at finishing a puzzle, writing, making something
with my own hands. But winning is different and I never knew.

Success and accomplishment are satisfying, but typically slow to come
and more cerebral in their nature. But with the win, there is a
precise moment in time. It is clear, not only too the winner, but all
observers, who has won and what they have won. It is one of the prime
points that make sport so attractive. It is easier to excel at a sport
than to become good, wise, or accomplished. The young can win, can be
glorified much more easily than they can master a musical instrument,
succeed at a trade, gain intellectual stature.

But this isn't a reason to spurn sport, to turn away from the win.
There's something both purely animal and uniquely human in the win.
First, for a win, there must be a contest, and a contest requires
fairness. All opponents or contestants must be equal in their chances
to win for there to be a contest. A boxing match between unequal
boxers isn't a contest and doesn't produce the same glory as evenly
matched ones does. A sense of fairness has been observed in our
cousins, other primates. It is innate, a built in module for sensing
what is fair. And they, as well as we, seem to understand cheating as
well and will not be observed cheating or stealing, if possible.

When I sit down at the poker table and the first hand is dealt I feel a
rush of adrenaline that sets my body vibrating. For many, this would
be an obstacle. For me, through age and experience, especially my
training in the theater and hundreds of hours on the stage and
performance, it's a benefit. That burst of energy is a welcome friend.
To me it means, "focus, you're on." And it sustains. And also
through my theatrical training, I know how to play the people, not the
cards. I know how to watch and listen and most importantly, think
under pressure. What you're dealt is random and unlike chess, the
outcomes are not fixed for those that can calculate the percentages and
likelihoods. What is important is how predictable is your opponent.
Staying calm, focused, and watching the opponent. It is a pleasurable
time of hyperawareness.

And it may be that poker requires something to be at stake. Even a
small amount of money (and we only play for small pots), make it more
than a pleasant passing of the time if one loses. Frankly, you can't
play poker without something real at stake - the nature of the game
requires the analysis of gain and loss. If it's just markers, why not
go for it? But if that marker represents real, hard currency it
becomes clear that going for it is not always the best.

And then, if I play well and the randomness doesn't overcome me, there
is a moment, a grand moment when I've won. There's nothing like it.

I'm not concerned about being addicted. First, I know my limits, and
for the moment, they are friendly games, played once or twice a month.
There are too many other things I enjoy out of life and sitting playing
cards every night isn't remotely attractive. And there's the balancing
effect of losing, which is as unpleasant as winning is grand. But the
real chance of losing must be there to make winning sweet. Knowing how
to lose, what to learn from it, keeping balanced in the face of the
loss, is equally valuable.

Winning is better.

Clear Thinking

If you are at all interested in the current battle of us those who want to control our behavior (and charge us for it), here's an excellent article from Adam Engst at TidBITS.com TidBITS: Why DRM Offends the Sensibilities.

Completed step one

Well, over the weekend I managed to sort through most of my music files. I found album art for most, which is cool.

Still left to do:

1. Review CDs and make sure everything is ripped in
2. Find a way to organize all of the “singles”
3. Back the damn thing up.

As of this telling, I have 30 gigabytes of music, over 7,000 tracks – 21 DAYS of solid music.

See more progress on: organize my music collection

You'll take it the way we give it to you, and you'll like it!

Yet one more columnist that has bought the party line from the music industry.

"Seems to me that one thing the shuffle movement does prove is the average music fan's preference for the song over its traditional home. The shuffle option is essentially killing the album, which has long been the music-industry standard for popular music releases."

First of all, there are very few artists that have delivered an entire album worth listening to in exactly the order it was delivered. And if you're talking pop, you're lucky to get more than one or two decent tracks in the whole thing. Then we get to the whole part of calling your typical pop musician an "artist".

Now I'll admit, I'm not your average music purchaser. There's no way I can put my new 60 gig iPod into shuffle mode. I have over 30 gig of music on there - almost a solid month of listening. And shuffle would produce a shocking mix of jazz, classical, bluegrass, pop and rock, even ambient and electronica. When I buy music, it's either something specific - an individual track, or an entire album of classical, which typically represents a cohesive work, like a symphony or opera. I'd buy a hell of a lot more music, but what I want isn't easily available. And no, I don't want the whole album, thank you very much.

I do have a large collection, thanks in part to a friend that has complied what the people here at work call "The history of rock" - one of the ultimate mix tapes. Of course, it's neither a mix or a tape, but you know what I mean. But think of a top 40 song from the past 50 years and more likely than not, it's on my iPod.

Which is part of the reason I've named the new iPod "LOC".

Hedwig will know what that stands for.

Wither The Safety Net?

The Owl and Every Fool has posted today on Social Security, so I suppose I should join in as well!

The Owl's Perch - You Bet Your Life

Privatization of the fund is a horrible idea. Hedwig is dead right - most will lose - the rich and powerful will get richer.

And the most important part: it disconnects the individual from our shared destiny. The entire idea of "it's my money" is flawed and a serious rearrangement of society. The entire purpose of Social Security is to provide a basic level of support for all. The entire notion of the safety net is this: we as a society won't let anyone live in poverty. OK, so it doesn't work as well as we intended, but that doesn't mean it's fundamentally broken. Private accounts will break it.

I'm in favor of the following reforms:

1. Pay back the fund. The government has balanced its books too long on the SS surplus. Time to pay EVERY PENNY BACK. Yes, that may require raising taxes, but it's a debt, so pay it back.

2. Lock box the fund - stop borrowing it. Period.

3. Limit who can receive benefits. This is a tough one, but again, key to the idea of the safety net: if you make over $100,000 per year, you get nothing. You don't need it. I've planned my retirement without Social Security. If my plans work out and I have a comfortable retirement income, I plan on donating the benefit I receive. Think of it more like insurance than a retirement fund. It's there if you need it, but if you don't need it, good for you.

4. Increase the base benefits. If you make less than $40,000 a year you'll receive benefits to take you to $40,000 - which is a livable income. Benefits will be tied to the rate of inflation and current wage numbers so the purchasing power remains the same.

Give me leaders that can make the case - we need to care for every American. Social Security is part of the way we do that. If I personally don't need it, great. It's not welfare, it's part of our commitment to our fellow Americans.

Ah, There Still Are Heros

LLOYD AXWORTHY's open letter to Condoleeza Rice "As our erstwhile Prairie-born and bred (and therefore prudent) finance minister pointed out in presenting his recent budget, we've had eight years of balanced or surplus financial accounts. If we're going to spend money, Mr. Goodale added, it will be on day-care and health programs, and even on more foreign aid and improved defence."

Thanks to Boing Boing!

The Writer As hero

Hedwig pointed me to this: He was blacklisted in a national witch hunt. Yet writer Dalton Trumbo never lost his integrity.

We live in an age where it is said, "there are no heros and perhaps there never were." And yet, look at this man, Dalton Trumbo. Here's a man that stood up to tyranny, suffered the loss of his profession, even went to prison. And then he continued to work, hidden, behind the scenes. Here's your hero.

We need more Trumbos now. We need individuals that will stand up to the FCC and say, "Fuck you." We need heros that will tell the truth to power and not back down. We need a real press, unafraid to lose their White House credentials. We need quiet, powerful men and women that won't be shouted down, won't be silenced, won't go away.

We need people to proudly reclaim the title "liberal".

I'd love to see Dennehy's performance. I hope it finds its way to New York and the recognition that it needs.

Haunted by a bluegrass band

Last night I met the UPS man at the door to collect my new 60 gig iPod Photo. I hooked it up last night and now can carry my entire music collection, all of my digital photos, and all of my documents and STILL have 20 gigabytes left. I’m sure I’ll figure out how to fill it up soon.

And what’s the first thing I’m listening to this morning? Del McCoury And The Boys

I don’t really listen to that much bluegrass or frankly, know anything about it, but there’s something fascinating about it. A couple of years back at the height of the “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” craze I took the girls to the “Down From the Mountain” concert. Dell and the Boys played as one of the many terrific acts and sang, “All Aboard”. The song is a ghost story, gospel religious experience, and downright frightening and thrilling. It’s not available on iTunes, but go look for this album. There’s a wide mix of stuff there, all with a bluegrass treatment.

See more progress on: organize my music collection

Part I Henry VI

It begins. Yesterday at lunch I found myself alone, my lunch meeting canceled. Luckily, I try to keep one rule in my life: never leave the house without something to read. I had place the new, portable “Complete Works of William Shakespeare” in the side pocket of the door of my car – couldn’t do that with my well worn, but gigantic Riverside Shakespeare.

So, sitting at Bob Evans, eating a bowl of potato soup, I read Act I of Henry VI, Part I. Sword fights, sieges, cannon fire, funerals of kings, even Joan of Arc! Will sure knew how to kick off a show!

See more progress on: read all of Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets in chronological order

Not enough time

That's the answer to the question below.

"Why haven't other rodents evolved the ability to aviate?"

Just not enough time. Look at the time frames for the evolution of birds. Took a hell of a long time, a long, long time ago. Mammals are much more recent. They just haven't had time. Our (Homo Sapien's) ability to observe such a change is pitifully short.

Here's my thesis: more mammals will develop flying abilities. Let's leave the planet - everyone. OK, come back in, let's say 100 million years. My bet is that you'll find plenty of flying mammals. Lot's of little annoying ones. And a few, big, scary ones.

First, flying squirrels develop from gliding to true flight. If they're successful, they'd multiply greatly. Next, you'd have a predator that would take to the air after them, let's say a fox variety. Other, fast breeding species like rabbits might find it useful to get off the ground, which would bring bigger predators along with them, say bobcats or coyotes. But the birds won't give up their dominion very easily. There are a bunch of very effective preditor birds that would just love to find the air full of flying furballs.

But you know what might be more likely? If humanity abandoned the planet for that long, I'm betting another hominid species might just step up and take our place.

On second thought, at the end of the 100 million years, let's send Charlton Heston back first to check and see how things are going.

I'd like to thank the Academy . . .

I saw a bit of the Academy Awards presentation last night - I didn't get back from Jennifer's skating lesson till nearly a quarter to 10 (Sunday night skating lessons suck, BTW). I quickly caught up with the award count and have the following observations:

Someone has finally gotten control of the excesses and really worked out some fair and efficient means of moving things along. I thought having nominees for many of the awards already on stage really helped. I liked less the "give it to them in their seats" bit. Should for any bizarre reason I find myself nominated for such an award, I want up on the stage.

I also noted that I have seen less of the movies nominated for this past year than seems in years past, and more than a couple I saw only because they were already released on DVD. I only saw "Million Dollar Baby" Saturday night. It was an excellent film, but I've yet to see "The Aviator" or "Vera Drake" or "Finding Neverland" or "Being Julia". Haven't seen "Hotel Rwanda", "Motorcycle Diaries", "The Very Long Engagement". I haven't seen the Lemony Snicket mess of a movie and hope not to. And you'd have to pay me and pay me well to see "The Passion of the Christ."

I did see "Ray" and it's a fine biopic with and excellent performance by Foxx.

And my favorite movie of the year? "The Incredibles."

Get Out While You Have A Chance

If you are currently holding any type of variable rate mortgage or interest payment, get out now. Don't wait or you'll be seriously screwed.

Opinion: "When a country lives on borrowed time, borrowed money and borrowed energy, it is just begging the markets to discipline it in their own way at their own time. As I said, usually the markets do it in an orderly way - except when they don't."

I'm serious about this. No variable rate mortgates or balloon payments. No credit card debt. Do anything you can to take care of this now - don't wait, I mean in the next few weeks and months.

Could you handle it if your mortgage payment shot up three or four hundred dollars a month? What about your credit card payments, your car loan?

Higher interest rates would be good for me, but not for most people. What if your home loan was at 18%? It's not been that many years ago that they were that high.

Listen. The sky is falling. Seriously. I don't know who reads this stuff, but it's important.

Oh, and for your reading pleasure and edification, see The Black Obelisk.

Flush or Pack It Out

There are many reasons I consider myself to luckily to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. Here's one more:

'She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift -- an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee,' the decision said. 'There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.'

And one more reason that both men and women need to take complete responsibility of their sexuality. This guy thought he was and found out he was wrong.

Here's the rule for all you single guys or those with multiple parthers - and it's got to be absolute: No sex without a condom. That includes oral sex. Unless you are in a committed, long term relationship AND after blood tests.

Oh, and you must either flush the used comdom or take it with you. (what's the emoticon for a shudder?)

It Is Inadvisable To Blog While Sleeping

Last night, at some, semi-lucid point, I spent some time composing today's blog entry. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to have been posted and I can't remember what I was dream-writing about. Seemed brilliant at the time.

Guess the folks at Blogger.com need to work on that interface a bit more.

Tonight's another "kid concert." You know the kind: one of those school concerts where you kid plays and you've got to go. Both of my girls are musically talented, and I enjoy hearing them play, but we seem to get on these runs where they all bunch together. Last week Jennifer had a "Drama Kids" performance on Tuesday night and a middle school concert Thursday. She had a skating competition on Saturday which meant we had to leave the house before 6 AM. Sunday Kathleen had a Columbus Youth Jazz concert, followed by a full concert by the Columbus Jazz Orchestra. It's always enjoyable, but that eats up an entire Sunday afternoon. Tonight Kathleen has a high school orchestra concert in preparation for the state orchestra competition tomorrow night (which I will not be attending). This concert by itself would be enjoyable, but the director decided the concert would be too short, so he changed it at the last minute to combine with another middle school concert. That's right, I get to sit through another middle school concert, one where I don't have any kids in it. Do you think it would be rude to take my iPod?

Oh, and another concert Sunday afternoon - this one for the Columbus Symphony Youth Orchestra.

As You Like It

I hadn’t intended on starting my little Shakespeare chronologically project quite yet, but my daughter asked me to read the play to help her with her homework. It had been years, probably since grad school, so I said sure.

Lovely.

We spent some time talking about the play when she was doing her assignment and one of the questions was about the use of language because, the test writer asserted, that the play was so “talky” and nothing happened.

Excuse me? God save us from English teachers! No wonder why so many kids end up thinking that these plays are boring. If I were the king of the forest, I’d insist that any play, before it is read, must be SEEN. And not read in class with students sitting and reading the parts. Performed. By someone that knows what they are doing.
Why is the character of Jaques humorous? Hard to tell just reading the words. But Jaques is a type. He’s a melancholic. And he’s played to the hilt. Everyone knows the second he walks on stage exactly what he’s like. But Shakespeare takes him up a level or so. He isn’t just this one thing. And he gets a brilliant speech that shows us exactly that. “All the world’s a stage.”

This play, read, without knowing anything about how it is to be performed, is a trifle. But imagine it, fully realized, wonderful costumes, dancing, singing! See the wrestling match as a huge opportunity for physical comedy (unstead of one line They wrestle.) Think of the shepherds and clowns, country bumpkins, general silliness. It is a complete hoot.
And remember, you, standing in the pit, a groundling, are also in on the joke. A boy, playing a girl, pretending to be a boy, asking her lover to pretend she, he thinking her a boy, is actually a girl, having another girl fall in love with her.
How do we know it is funny? Not from reading alone, dear teacher. We know because the actors show us. Taking nothing from Shakespeare – he knew it well – the play’s the thing.

See more progress on: read all of Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets

Battling Evil Elephants

So, what were they up to all those years?

Humans just got 35,000 years older
: "'It pushes back the beginning of anatomically modern humans. It is significant because the cultural aspects of humanity in most cases appear much later in the record - only 50,000 years ago - which would mean 150,000 years of Homo sapiens without cultural stuff, such as evidence of eating fish, of harpoons, anything to do with music, needles, even tools. This stuff all comes in very late, except for stone knife blades, which appeared between 50,000 and 200,000 years ago,' says geologist Frank Brown, a co- author of the study and dean of the University of Utah's College of Mines and Earth Sciences.
"

Let's imagine for a moment, shall we? If anatomically identical humans existed 200,000 years ago, did it really take them 150,000 years to take that first step towards civilization and away from pure animal existence? I find that hard (but not impossible) to believe. What were they up to?

I've always wondered why they killed off all the mastodons (took them till about 10,000 years ago). Maybe humanity spent 190,000 years battling a race of evil, furry elephants. Maybe they weren't the lumbering, gentle giants that could just be herded off a nearby cliff (bad news if you're in Ohio - not many cliffs nearby). Maybe they were vicious, intelligent, and hated these new ape creatures. Maybe humanity's greatest triumph is something we've never heard about.

Perhaps we should think about that before cloning any of them back.

Or maybe I should have another cup of coffee.

All In

OK, I admit it. I've caught the poker bug, too.

But I haven't completely gone around the bend like some of my friends and acquaintances. In fact, for me it might be a healthy hobby.

Self justification, you say? On the contrary. I find the game fun, easy to learn, difficult to master. It is a social activity. I've gone to great extremes to build a movie theater in my home, but even when I entertain there, it's sitting quietly in the same room - hardly social. Playing poker is by its very nature an activity where you must pay close attention to everyone at the table, even learn something about the people there. Or lose.

An evening's play may cost me $20 or so, or put money in my pocket. I'm not interested in big tournament play, although I did enjoy playing in Vegas recently (where I played Texas Hold'em for over 2 hours and walked away even money). And since I've started playing - just this year, I'm already meeting new people and getting invited out.

This may seem strange and ordinary to you, but for me, it's a big deal. I'm reaching the stage as a parent where the kids are interested in being on their own. For the last 16 years Diane and I have had little time for anything other than work and family and that means very few friends and next to no social life outside of the rare opportunity to get out on our own. So having fun with friends, getting invited out, having people over to the house is not only fun, but rewarding.

Mesmerizing Coolness

Just plain cool. The Baby Name Wizard's NameVoyager

But it raises more questions than it answers. The main question that cannot be answered with the marvelous display of data is "why?". Why does a particular name grow or decline in popularity. What causes these peaks and falloffs?

Teach Evolution: Leave No Child Behind

Teach Evolution: Leave No Child Behind: "Teaching the age and history of our planet takes us back about 4.6 billion years; it is included in only 55% of our 50 State’s science education standards."

It's sad, but not surprising.

Strong science education with real standards is critical to growing an educated population capable of thinking and understanding complex ideas.

Oh, wait. You didn't want that? Bread and circuses, baby!

OK, taking a deep breath.

Here are the fundamentals that EVERY person should know:

1. The universe is roughly 13 billion years old.
   
2. The Earth is about 4.6 billion years old.
   
3. The process in which life was created and arrived at the state it is in today is know as evolution.
   
4. There's lots of stuff we don't know or understand. The scientific method is how we find out.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Not So Smart Water

Schneier on Security: Smart Water: "The idea is for me to paint this stuff on my valuables as proof of ownership. I think a better idea would be for me to paint it on your valuables, and then call the police."

Everyday, in every way, I'm getting better and better

Hmm, just keep repeating that.

Now, where's that damn Clouseau gotten off to?

See more progress on: write in my blog everyday

Books You Should Read

If you haven't yet discovered Neal Stephenson, then it's time you considered adding his work to your reading list. I was gobsmacked by his Baroque Cycle.

And from this interview, you can tell this man has a keen, honest intelligence.

Reason: Neal Stephenson’s Past,
Present, and Future: The author of the widely praised Baroque Cycle on science, markets, and post-9/11 America : "Reason: In The Baroque Cycle we see two different kinds of nation-states at war with each other: traditional monarchies vs. the modern mercantile state. Some readers see political themes in Snow Crash, The Diamond Age, and Cryptonomicon—e.g., that traditional governmental institutions have collapsed or mutated into some less central form. Is this something you see as inevitable?

Neal Stephenson: I can understand that if you are the sort of person who spends a lot of time thinking about government and commerce, then by reading Snow Crash, The Diamond Age, Cryptonomicon, and The Baroque Cycle through that lens, and by squinting, holding the books at funny angles, and jiggling them around, you might be able to perceive some sort of common theme. But it is a stretch. The themes you mention are so vast and so common to all societies and periods of history that I would find it difficult to write a novel that did not touch on them in some way."

Good Idea, Flawed Approach

There's a move in the online music sales arena to try to convince people that subscriptions sales of music is the way to go.

It's not a bad idea, but the time for this market may be too early. Why? Because people love the iPod, want the iPod, already OWN an iPod. And if you have an iPod, you use the iTunes music store.

USATODAY.com - Napster aims to sack Apple iTunes

So for Napster and others to succeed, they have to both convince you that you should rent your music AND that you should throw away your beloved iPod AND buy another, clunky, ugly music player.

I don't think it will work. Before the iPod, before iTunes music store, I used to pay $9.95 per month to emusic.com. At that time they let me download and keep all of the music I wanted. They had pretty good libraries of jazz and classical, which I loved, and next to no pop, which was fine with me. I really built up my library during that year or so I subscribed. Then they changed their mind, limited the number of songs I could download, and I dropped them.

I don't buy a lot of music, but over the years I've acquired plenty. Legally, mind you. Bought it. My iTunes library is nearly 30 gigabytes and I haven't ripped all of my CDs into it, let alone converted some holdover vinyl records. My aging, 5 gig original iPod is still chugging along - I'd love to have a new 60 gig Photo iPod, but can't justify it just now. So I have plenty of music. Most people do. I'd consider a subscription service, but what I really want is an easy way to buy music, inexpensively, one song or album at a time.

Oh, I can already do that? Right, iTunes has that covered. And there's no fucking way I'm giving up my iPod. So where does that leave Napster? Right where most internet companies that buy Superbowl ads. In next year's "What every happened to?" news paper columns.

Let's Go Out To The Lobby

Hedwig, the wise old owl, sends this New Yorker Article to my attention:

The New Yorker: The Critics: A Critic At Large: "And what is the main cinematic experience? The tickets, including the surcharge for ordering online, cost about the same as the monthly cable bill. A medium popcorn is five dollars; the smallest bottled water is three. The show begins with twenty minutes of commercials, spots promoting the theatre chain, and previews for movies coming out next Memorial Day, sometimes a year from next Memorial Day. The feature includes any combination of the following: wizards; slinky women of few words; men of few words who can expertly drive anything, spectacularly wreck anything, and leap safely from the top of anything; characters from comic books, sixth-grade world-history textbooks, or “Bulfinch’s Mythology”; explosions; phenomena unknown to science; a computer whiz with attitude; a brand-name soft drink, running shoe, or candy bar; an incarnation of pure evil; more explosions; and the voice of Robin Williams. The movie feels about twenty minutes too long; the reviews are mixed; nobody really loves it; and it grosses several hundred million dollars.
"

Ah, the movies!

One fun fact this article points out is the drop in movie attendance. In 1946 one hundred million people attended the movies EVERY WEEK. Out of a total population of on hundred forty-one million. Today that's down to twenty-five million weekly attendance out of a population of nearly three hundred million. Interesting, but not the whole story. In 1946 the movies were the only forum of mass entertainment. TV wasn't available. An inexpensive afternoon or evening at the movies provided a whole range of news and entertainment. And least we forget, these were massive, single screen theaters, not the pocket theaters we're packed into today. Newsreels, cartoons, short subjects, and double features. Now that sounds like fun.

But today we have TV, we have cable with movies on demand. We have DVDs. The movie industry isn't in any danger of perishing. It's simply changing.

And the big secret that the Hollywood big wigs don't know and can't understand: there are untold billions of dollars available to them if they'd only put their entire movie libraries online.

Imagine this: for a small, reasonable monthly fee, let's say $19.95, you could watch any movie ever made.

I have to stop there - the idea is staggering to me. Of course you'd pay that. Everyone would pay that. Christ.

Or let's make it more interesting - no monthly fee, but a charge of ninety-nine cents per movie. They'd be making money on movies that haven't made money in a hundred years. And if the price is low enough, who would bother to pirate? The quality would be guaranteed. You want to talk about a golden age of Hollywood, open the floodgates.

Evil Idiots of the Month for February: Sinclair Broadcasting

This month's award for the Evil Idiots of the Month goes to the clever folks at Sinclair Broadcasting.

At first, this might seem like completely political post, but their actions in last year's presidential election only got them as far as the nomination for this illustrious award. What really stuck in my craw was their greedy and stupid behavior that results in me not being able to watch Lost in high definition. Or the Super Bowl.

In the Columbus market, Sinclair owns both the ABC and Fox affiliates. I'm strongly opposed to companies owning multiple stations in a market this size (and the includes the evil, but not so idiotic Clear Channel). They've exercised their ownership to really gut these stations and take a race to the bottom. In fact, they've recently announced that they're eliminating sports reporting from their news operations. I'm not a sports fan, but reporting on local sports is part of the responsibility of local broadcasters. And they're holding TV watchers hostage over high definition - HDTV.

I subscribe to cable - it's the best way for me to get the programs I want. Satellite would require me to put a box on each of my TVs. With cable, all but one gets cable right to the set and works fine. The theater gets the full digital box, which now includes high definition capabilities, dual tuners, and a DVR (Digital Video Recorder). It's a crude, very difficult to use box and the worst interface possible, but it's HD and dual tuner, so the TiVO gets demoted.

And with this setup I get all of the local channels plus several others in HD - DiscoveryHD and PBS HD has some amazing and beautiful programming. The programs we like to watch, including Law and Order are gorgeous in HD. CBS, NBC, PBS, TNT, UPN - all in HD.

But not ABC and not FOX. Frankly, there's only one program on either that we watch that's in HD and that's Lost. I would really enjoy watching this show, shot in Hawaii of all places, in high definition. But Sinclair says no. Why? Because they, unlike all of the other broadcasters in this market and all of the other US markets insists that cable operators pay them for FREE OVER THE AIR PROGRAMMING.

I do have an alternative. I could go out an buy an HD receiver. I could then buy an antenna. That's right, a freak'n antenna. And after all that, if I'm lucky, I might be able to pick up the HD broadcast signal.

No way.

My perspective is this: Sinclair has been granted TWO broadcast licenses in this market by the federal government. They make money by charging advertisers and provide their content free of charge to viewers. Cable operators earn money by providing clean signal to my house and value added content - things not available to me over the air in my market. As a convenience to me, they also deliver the local stations, which are, as I've stated, freely available. But Sinclair wants to be paid. Now one else is paid. They're happy to have their programs available to customers and their advertisers are happy to have their advertisements displayed.

What's a guy to do? Well I for one will avoid Sinclair's programming for the most part. I'll watch Lost, and when it comes out on DVD I'll buy that - from ABC. And I'll make a point of letting people that advertise on Sinclair's local stations know that others like me are not watching.

So, you've spent millions creating that ad and more to buy the time to air it at the Superbowl. How's it feel to find out that the top purchasing market - all the guys the bought high definition TVs, aren't able to see your ads? And after the football game, they're switching to something that they can watch?

This rant is definitely NOT over.

In a round about way

This article in Today's Salon, purportedly about the resurgence of the Macintosh computer, almost, but not quite gets to some of the market issues that keep the computer industry from stepping to the next level.

"There's a poison in the computer industry,' Hertzfeld says, 'and that is the fact that the common software base is controlled by a predatory software company with a lack of ethics."

This quote, from Andy Hertzfeld gets right down to it. It's simple, really. Bill Gates is today's robber baron. He has used is business acumen, not technological prowess, to beat the market into profits for Microsoft and limited opportunity for everything else. Microsoft is a bad company and the market simply can't move forward until it's broken up by regulation or overcome by market forces.

And Microsoft has helped perpetuate the mindset that computers are technical instruments that require a high degree of specialized knowledge. Recently I was in an airport when I struck up a conversation with a fellow traveler when it was clear that we were heading to the same conference. His companion was crowing that he had hacked through the airport's feeble security to use their for-fee wireless network. When I pointed out that it wasn't that big of a deal - there were few people that could do it and the effort to lock it down probably wasn't worth the expense he scoffed, then claimed, "Most people shouldn't be allowed to even own computers. If I had my way, they'd have to pass a rigorous test before they could even touch one!"

At which point, I went back to ignoring him.

I hold the exact opposite view. If you have to possess virtually ANY specialized knowledge, then something is wrong with the device.

What most computer users forget is that the vast majority of the population do not own and have never touched a computer. They're expensive and don't have clear benefits. And they're confusing, frightening, and probably dangerous. And they'll break down or become unusable.

Apple is on the right path, even if the Mac isn't perfect. But I challenge you this: Pick out a relative over the age of 60 who has never used a computer. Find one that is active and might like to communicate with you and others more easily. One with active hobbies and an interest in learning. Maybe one with an interest in music or movies. Someone that's been talking about getting a digital camera. Now you're this person's contact - if something goes wrong, they'll be calling you. How much time and expense is it going to cost to set them up with a conventional PC and make it work with their new camera, printer, and the web? And how long before it becomes completely unusable from spyware and virus?

Or you have them buy a new, Mac mini for less than $500. They plug it in and are doing all of these things all on their own. It just works.

Of course you're elderly friend won't become a computer expert, but then again, why would they want to be?

If you don't know me by now

Doc Serls has some excellent perspective on age, accomplishment, and reflection, all in this one little sentence.

The Doc Searls Weblog : Thursday, January 27, 2005: "Kinda reminds me of a conversation I had several years ago with Cam, when he was 30. I'll tell Sean now what I told Cam back then: Everything you know me for I've done since I was 50."

And before my commentary, I'll add that I was pleased to finally meet Doc when he stopped by my company's booth at Macworld (hope he's got his palm syncing problem solved!).

In his comment to a person named Cam, he says "everything you know me for". I believe it takes a lot of mental processing to realize that though there are many people that "know" us, but each knows a different person. I'm particularly cognizant of this. My like has been one of continually moving forward and there are few people, friends, that have followed the path with me.

A close friend in high school, Bruce (seen the movie "Napoleon Dynamite"? I was Pedro to his Napoleon) parted ways after graduation. I chat occasionally with him over the net and he chastised me for not attending our 25th High School reunion. I didn't have any real desire to make the trip, other to see Bruce and a few others. The Randy that they all knew is long gone. He was best known for singing and a leader in the marching band. He didn't date and was very shy around girls.

I've all but lost touch with Bill, perhaps my closest childhood friend and college roommate. We also went to the same grad school, but me for theater and him for law school. Together we were promising youth leaders in the church. He still is, but I'm no longer a believer. And I also took all my theatrical training and went straight into business - specifically the software market.

Some people know me from when I was at Bell Labs and fresh out of school. Others know me from eight years at one job, now ten years past. Some know me from my five years as an internet entrepenuer. Some know me from the current job, now five years and running. You may know me from this online journal and others from my home theater hobby.

So yes, for all the Cam's out there - what you know me for is dependent on WHEN you knew me. And at 30, you didn't know me and you sure has hell didn't know yourself. Reflection is good, but don't spend to much time on it while you're so young.

Free Porn Magic for You!

For the most part, I find John Dvorak a blowhard - a columnist that thinks that poking a chained dog with a stick is fun.

But he may be onto something here.

Opinion Column from PC Magazine: Free Porn Magic for You!

I suspect he's right on all counts, and I'll be watching the logs on this web site for evidence.

But I'll do you one better. His article has no sex in it at all. I'll give you the secrets of sex and happiness, all for the low price of only $19.95!

That's right, send Captain Randy your personal check (sorry, PayPal not accepted) for $19.95 and I will revel to you the secrets of:

Finding the perfect mate.
Getting all the sex you want.
What women really want and how to give it to them or what men want and how to make them your slave for life
Your purpose in life and amazing the truth about the universe.

And as an added bonus, how to get real Rolex watches for a fraction of the cost!

For an additional $4.95 I'll also tell you how to be the Apple iPod for free!

But it's a limited time offer - act now!



* Secrets of the universe, although startling, are also available through a lifetime of study and meditation. Or for only $19.95 they can be yours! Sorry, no refunds or exchanges. Karma can neither be bought or sold, only apportioned by the universe.

I Don't Know What This Is

But it's just too cool to pass up.

muppetsovertime05

Did I ever mention how upset I am, STILL, at Jim Henson? He had no right to die when he did. I feel robbed of all the wonderful stories he could have told.

This is why Portland is an interesting place to live

Columbus, Ohio is the type of place one lives, but never vacations. It's an economic haven, a good place to live and raise a family, but scant little else to recommend it.

Now Portland. They have Voodooo Doughnut.

Thief learns lesson in do's and doughnuts

Things Worth Believing In

Now here's a list of things that have merit believing in.

THE WORLD QUESTION CENTER 2005

But then again, these are scientists (for the most part). So if you prove their beliefs incorrect, they'll thank you for it.

Shore Leave

I'm taking a brief break to enjoy the holidays with my family. Back soon!

Apparently, watching the movie was too much trouble.

Ah, another idiot that didn't bother to do basic research:

Giant robots in the backyard | CNET News.com: "It's been a common theme in U.S. science fiction, too, although typically on a more human scale. Robert Heinlein's 1959 novel 'Starship Troopers,' and the 1997 film made from the book, featured soldiers with powerful exoskeletal armor that dramatically augmented their strength."

No, the movie didn't have soldiers in exoskeletons. It was a big letdown for what was an otherwise rollicking B grade scifi yarn.

I sometimes wonder where they find these writers.

Hal. Open the voting booth curtain, Hal.

The Diebold Variations

Evidence Of The Existance Of Evil

I grew up in rural Illinois and I remember when the first Wal-mart arrived in the middle 70's. It was something of a cultural event. A Saturday night out included a trip to Wal-mart.

But I've never liked the place. Unlike Target which is clean, well lit, has wide isles and inexpensive and attractive merchandise, Wal-mart is crowded and often dirty with jumbled shelves. It feels like a trip to the State fair.

Down and Out in Discount America: "Al Zack, who until his retirement in 2004 was the United Food and Commercial Workers' vice president for strategic programs, observes that appealing to the poor was 'Sam Walton's real genius. He figured out how to make money off of poverty. He located his first stores in poor rural areas and discovered a real market. The only problem with the business model is that it really needs to create more poverty to grow.' That problem is cleverly solved by creating more bad jobs worldwide."

One has to spend a few years in corporate America to learn that there can be good companies, but there can also be truly bad ones, ones with evil intent. In a past job I had touches with both corporate operations at Enron and Wal-mart. Both, it was clear even 10 years ago, had bad intent. They were not a good partners for anyone. Both planned their business to drive all of the positive benefits to themselves and gloried in crushing other businesses. One has reaped the whirlwind. The other is still going to and fro in the world.

The community where I live has fought them off, but it was a protracted legal battle. The only thing that can stop their downward crush on the minimum wage worker is to unionize their workforce. Make them compete on a level playing ground.